Today,there are many advertisements aimed at children,such as advertisements fir toys and snacks.Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that there are many
advertisements
for
kids
that can be a bad influence on choices of toys and snacks, and
for
this
reason, should be forbidden. I do not agree because the responsibility for health and eating habits belongs to the parents and it is not the government's role to ban
advertisements
. Actually, children are a vulnerable audience. The
kids
have no critical mindset and tend to believe in everything that they see on television or the Internet. They are more susceptible to following marketing strategies elaborated by expensive professionals.
This
situation can lead the youngster to poor dietary and consumerism since early.
Although
this
, the parents and tutors are responsible for guiding their son's choices. Pushing
this
role to the public power is not the best solution. The state already has a lot of concerns and problems to solve,
therefore
, announcement regulation sometimes is not a priority.
Furthermore
, there are other implications for banishing
advertisements
aimed at children because some ads can be educational,
for instance
when promoting books, educational games, and positive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Besides
, there are economic impacts that might affect businesses facing children when censorship is implemented. Who will define the criteria?
To sum up
, I disagree in part with the control of
advertisements
by the government, but I think that parents must control what their
kids
watch and what their
kids
consume. The government can collaborate in some regulations,
however
, the main duty is in the fathers' and mothers' hands.
Submitted by fmulato on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher band score in this area, ensure that your essay presents your ideas in a more organized, logical sequence. Your essay should progress naturally from the introduction to the body and then to the conclusion, with distinct paragraphs that each discuss a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are identifiable, which is positive. However, to improve, make sure your introduction more effectively sets up the premises of your argument, and that your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points in your argument with specific details and examples. Avoid making generalized or vague statements that do not enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
task achievement
While you do address the essay prompt, you could improve in this area by ensuring that your response completely answers all parts of the question posed. There is room to expand on the reasons behind your agreement or disagreement, perhaps by exploring the question more deeply or considering opposing viewpoints.
task achievement
To score higher, develop your ideas fully by explaining and justifying them with clear examples and reasons. This will show a deeper level of analysis and help the reader follow and understand your arguments better.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples help illustrate your points and provide concrete evidence for your assertions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerable
  • impressionable
  • marketing tactics
  • critical thinking
  • dietary choices
  • childhood obesity
  • parental guidance
  • consumerism
  • materialistic
  • educational
  • economic impact
  • regulating
  • practicality
  • enforcement
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!