Being a celebrity, such a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problem?
In
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrity's
celebrities'
live
, they have ben faced both advantages and disadvantages. Replace the word
lives
Although
there
personal Correct your spelling
their
life
is not secure, I believe that they can influence our society
possibility and earn money.
Famous Change noun form
society's
people
like player
and film Fix the agreement mistake
players
starts
encounter many troubles, insecure personal Correct your spelling
stars
life
is one of them. Not only celebrity
himself but Correct article usage
the celebrity
also
his family members are the main goal of paparazzi
. Correct article usage
the paparazzi
Moreover
, sometimes they captured them in unusual situation
. That’s why they feel harassed by these heinous activities. For Fix the agreement mistake
situations
examples
, In Poland, a vice president Fix the agreement mistake
example
has been
committed suicide in 2015, because of his and some of his family Verb problem
apply
members
unusual photos Change noun form
members'
member's
got
viral Verb problem
that went
at
social media.
Change preposition
on
On the other hand
, celebrities can play a vital role to create
awareness Change preposition
in creating
among
Change preposition
in
the
society. Many Correct article usage
apply
people
in our society followed
tv stars blindly, they like to take Wrong verb form
follow
the
hair cut matching Correct article usage
apply
with
Change preposition
apply
his
idol Correct pronoun usage
their
celebrity
, moreover
they have Add a comma
moreover,
bought
Change the verb form
to buy
dress
and wear it matching Add an article
a dress
the dress
with
his. That’s why multinational companies recruit famous Change preposition
apply
people
for the
Correct article usage
apply
products advertisement
. Fix the agreement mistake
product advertisements
For example
, Footballer Pogba have
been stopped Change the verb form
has
war
in 2013. Add an article
the war
a war
Moreover
, celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
also
get benefited
personally. They have earned money and lead a standard Wrong verb form
benefit
life
.
Inconclusion
, Correct your spelling
In conclusion
celebrity
lives have both advantages and drawbacks. Though insecure
personal Correct article usage
an insecure
life
in
the main disadvantage Correct your spelling
is
while
if
Correct your spelling
it
effect
the societies Correct your spelling
affects
people
positively and earn money by doing advertisementSubmitted by modudahmedamzad on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay introduces the topic and discusses both sides of the argument, with an attempt to provide a personal stance. However, the ideas are presented in a somewhat disorganised manner, with several incoherent sentences and paragraphs lacking a clear logical progression. Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Examples provided are relevant but need to be more specific and detailed to support your arguments effectively. The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in the exploration of ideas. Make sure to fully develop and expand on your ideas to address the prompts of the question. A conclusion is present but is not precisely summarised.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite