Being a celebrity, such a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problem?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality

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celebrities

Change noun form

celebrity's

celebrities'

show examples

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

, they have ben faced both advantages and disadvantages.

Although

Linking Words

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

personal

life

Use synonyms

is not secure, I believe that they can influence our

society

Change noun form

society's

show examples

possibility and earn money. Famous

people

Use synonyms

player

Fix the agreement mistake

players

show examples

and film

starts

Correct your spelling

stars

show examples

encounter many troubles, insecure personal

life

Use synonyms

is one of them. Not only

Use synonyms

celebrity

Correct article usage

the celebrity

show examples

himself but

also

Linking Words

his family members are the main goal of

paparazzi

Correct article usage

the paparazzi

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, sometimes they captured them in unusual

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

. That’s why they feel harassed by these heinous activities. For

examples

Fix the agreement mistake

example

show examples

, In Poland, a vice president

has been

Verb problem

apply

show examples

committed suicide in 2015, because of his and some of his family

members

Change noun form

members'

member's

show examples

unusual photos

got

Verb problem

that went

show examples

viral

Change preposition

show examples

social media.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, celebrities can play a vital role

to create

Change preposition

in creating

show examples

awareness

among

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. Many

people

Use synonyms

in our society

followed

Wrong verb form

show examples

tv stars blindly, they like to take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hair cut matching

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

idol

celebrity

Use synonyms

Linking Words

moreover

Add a comma

moreover,

show examples

they have

bought

Change the verb form

to buy

show examples

dress

Add an article

a dress

the dress

show examples

and wear it matching

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

his. That’s why multinational companies recruit famous

people

Use synonyms

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

products advertisement

Fix the agreement mistake

product advertisements

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, Footballer Pogba

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been stopped

war

Add an article

the war

a war

show examples

in 2013.

Moreover

Linking Words

Use synonyms

celebrity

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrities

show examples

also

Linking Words

get

benefited

Wrong verb form

benefit

show examples

personally. They have earned money and lead a standard

life

Use synonyms

Inconclusion

Correct your spelling

In conclusion

show examples

celebrity

Use synonyms

lives have both advantages and drawbacks. Though

insecure

Correct article usage

an insecure

show examples

personal

life

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

the main disadvantage

while

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

show examples

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

the societies

people

Use synonyms

positively and earn money by doing advertisement

Submitted by modudahmedamzad on Tue Nov 28 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay introduces the topic and discusses both sides of the argument, with an attempt to provide a personal stance. However, the ideas are presented in a somewhat disorganised manner, with several incoherent sentences and paragraphs lacking a clear logical progression. Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

Task Achievement

Examples provided are relevant but need to be more specific and detailed to support your arguments effectively. The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in the exploration of ideas. Make sure to fully develop and expand on your ideas to address the prompts of the question. A conclusion is present but is not precisely summarised.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

221 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Public scrutiny
Intrusive
Endorsements
Sponsorships
Financial security
High-profile collaborations
Social influence
Philanthropic efforts
Trust issues
Mental health challenges
Substance abuse
Pressures of celebrity
Expectations
Disconnect from reality
Normalcy

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Being a celebrity, such a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problem?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Fewer and fewer children are willing to look after their parents as they get older these days. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Write a letter to your friend who is interested in learning how to drive. In your letter ● say why a driving license is advantageous ● recommend a driving school ● give any extra guidance /tips Begin your letter as follows: Dear ___________,

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

Due to increasing world demandings for oil and gas energy, people need to look for a new sources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. DO advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change Discuss both and give your opinion.