IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

For reducing the case of crimes, the only best way is to increase the punishment Do you agree or disagree?

#case #crimes #punishment
These days, an increasing number of
crime
 cases calls for the
government
 to take measures to tackle
this
 issue. Some believe that the best way to decrease the rates of
crime
 is to give longer sentences to criminals. I do not disagree with
this
, and
this
 essay will explain why I think
this
 way. It does little to deter criminal behaviour. People who commit a
crime
 often do not consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what consequences their actions will bring up and have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge
on
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of
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 social morals and ethics. Longer sentences without giving offenders any teaching or education will not help them understand why they should not breach the law.
Therefore
, what the
government
 should do is to provide all criminals locked up in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison with free continuous education or life lessons that can help change their mindsets and
realise
Verb problem
make
show examples
 and feel guilty
of
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for
show examples
 their wrong actions. It does not prevent offenders from re-offending. If criminals who have been given a longer sentence
Add a missing verb
are release
show examples
release
Replace the word
released
show examples
 from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
prison and are not given
with
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apply
show examples
any opportunities to change and start their new lives, it is likely that they will return and conduct
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immoral behaviour again.
For example
, people who have a criminal record have difficulties
in
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apply
show examples
finding a job and a place
for living
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to live
show examples
. The
government
 should ensure that all
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
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 can have chances to work, earn money in a legal way, and be provided with free
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
show examples
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
show examples
. Increasing prison sentences
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not effective in stopping criminal behaviour but is often related
with
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to
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 re-offending. The
government
 should attempt to introduce various initiatives to tackle
crime
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 solely relying on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishment.
Submitted by rlatpdms1411 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, your essay should have a clearer progression of ideas. Use topic sentences to lead each paragraph and ensure each subsequent sentence follows logically. Employ more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but could be made more impactful. The introduction should clearly state your position and outline the essay structure. The conclusion needs to succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your stance.
coherence cohesion
While you supported the main points to an extent, you need to develop your supporting arguments further. Use specific examples, data, or anecdotal evidence to reinforce your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task but lacks depth in addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure to fully explore the question and provide a balanced discussion if required. Address counterarguments to enhance the quality of your response.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Each paragraph should explore one main idea thoroughly rather than touching on it superficially. Use examples and explanations to fully convey the complexity of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points sufficiently. Examples are crucial to strengthen your arguments and provide evidence for your claims. Include real-life instances or hypothetical scenarios to make your arguments more concrete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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