For reducing the case of crimes, the only best way is to increase the punishment Do you agree or disagree?
These days, an increasing number of
crime
cases calls for the government
to take measures to tackle this
issue. Some believe that the best way to decrease the rates of crime
is to give longer sentences to criminals. I do not disagree with this
, and this
essay will explain why I think this
way.
It does little to deter criminal behaviour. People who commit a crime
often do not consider about
what consequences their actions will bring up and have Change preposition
apply
lack
of knowledge Correct article usage
a lack
on
social morals and ethics. Longer sentences without giving offenders any teaching or education will not help them understand why they should not breach the law. Change preposition
of
Therefore
, what the government
should do is to provide all criminals locked up in a
prison with free continuous education or life lessons that can help change their mindsets and Correct article usage
apply
realise
and feel guilty Verb problem
make
of
their wrong actions.
It does not prevent offenders from re-offending. If criminals who have been given a longer sentence Change preposition
for
Add a missing verb
are release
release
from Replace the word
released
a
prison and are not given Remove the article
apply
with
any opportunities to change and start their new lives, it is likely that they will return and conduct Change preposition
apply
the
immoral behaviour again. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, people who have a criminal record have difficulties in
finding a job and a place Change preposition
apply
for living
. The Change preposition
to live
government
should ensure that all law breakers
can have chances to work, earn money in a legal way, and be provided with free Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
shelters
.
Increasing prison sentences Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
are
not effective in stopping criminal behaviour but is often related Correct subject-verb agreement
is
with
re-offending. The Change preposition
to
government
should attempt to introduce various initiatives to tackle crime
than
solely relying on Rephrase
rather than
the
punishment.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, your essay should have a clearer progression of ideas. Use topic sentences to lead each paragraph and ensure each subsequent sentence follows logically. Employ more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but could be made more impactful. The introduction should clearly state your position and outline the essay structure. The conclusion needs to succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your stance.
coherence cohesion
While you supported the main points to an extent, you need to develop your supporting arguments further. Use specific examples, data, or anecdotal evidence to reinforce your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task but lacks depth in addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure to fully explore the question and provide a balanced discussion if required. Address counterarguments to enhance the quality of your response.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Each paragraph should explore one main idea thoroughly rather than touching on it superficially. Use examples and explanations to fully convey the complexity of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points sufficiently. Examples are crucial to strengthen your arguments and provide evidence for your claims. Include real-life instances or hypothetical scenarios to make your arguments more concrete.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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