IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Fossil fuels are essential for producing electricity, powering industry and fueling transportation. However, one day we will reach a point when all the world’s fossil fuels have been depleted. How can we conserve these resources? What are some alternatives to fossil fuels?

#fuels #electricity #industry #transportation #point #world’s #resources #alternatives
Despite the fundamental use of fossil
fuels
 for generating electricity, and supporting industry and transportation, that
energy
 is limited
resources
. It will be pointless when all the world's fossil
fuels
 have emptied. As far as I am concerned, societies and governments need to cooperate in preserving and finding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternatives
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these
resources
. First and foremost, societies have to use
energy
 efficiently.
This
way
 is the easiest
way
 to conserve these
resources
 but it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a commitment of each individual as a whole.
For example
, people can turn off the lamp before sleep and switch off
fan
Add an article
the fan
show examples
 during
night
Add an article
the night
show examples
. By building
this
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis, people are
halping
Correct your spelling
helping
in maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
 the amount of
energy
. Another vital
way
 to conserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy
, government can enact a law and campaign
of choosing
Change preposition
to choose
show examples
 public transportation as a medium to mobilize. When people
are preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to use
train
Correct article usage
a train
show examples
 or bus to travel, it contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 declining the intake of petrochemical fuel. As a limited
energy
, renewable
resources
 with the same level of
effectivity
Replace the word
effectiveness
show examples
 are deemed to substitute the previous
fuels
. The first solution to mitigate
this
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 is biofuel.
This
 novel
energy
 is from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
such
 as algae, biomass and waste that
available
Add a missing verb
is available
show examples
 in massive
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
.
Moreover
, the existence of
Correct article usage
a sollar
show examples
sollar
Correct your spelling
solar
show examples
 panel which
converted
Wrong verb form
converts
show examples
 sunlight into electricity can be another good option in
this
 modern era. Those two
alternatives
Change the noun form
alternative
show examples
resources
 are
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly and able to act the same
way
 as fossil
fuels
 in supporting many sectors of activities. To recapitulate, governments and societies should work together to conserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil
fuels
 and change into
alternatives
Change the noun form
alternative
show examples
resources
 that are much greener. If
this
 problem is not taken seriously,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil
fuels
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 hit the limit.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of ideas throughout the essay. Some parts of the essay seemed a bit disconnected or abrupt in transitioning from one idea to another. Consider using more linking words and cohesive devices to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Stick to a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each main idea, and a conclusion. Your essay is mostly well-structured with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, but there can be clearer demarcations between your points in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Support each point with relevant examples or explanations. It is important to elaborate on your main points with specific details or examples. While you do provide some examples, expanding upon them will enhance the quality of your essay and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Respond fully to all parts of the task, including explaining how to conserve fossil fuels and the alternatives available. Although you address both components, you could develop your explanations further. Consider exploring each question in more depth and offering more nuanced discussions or potential challenges and solutions.
task achievement
It's crucial to present clear, comprehensive ideas in your response. Your essay shows a good attempt at this, but some ideas could be expressed more clearly and effectively. Pay close attention to grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The examples given are a good start, but strive to include a wider range of evidence and detail to better support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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