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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
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Nowadays the number of overweight
people
 is constantly increasing.
This
 essay will discuss the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 epidemic and
then
 describe the possible effects of the
problem
. In my opinion, the foremost causes of
obesity
 are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits. Today more and more
people
 rely on cars
instead
 of walking, have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 physical demands at work and prefer inactive leisure activities.
This
results
 in burning
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 calories and gaining weight.
Moreover
, the
problem
 is accentuated by the growing number of
people
, who eat irregularly and consume large portions of high-calorie food.
For example
, about 50% of the adult population in Europe with so-called disordered eating suffer from
obesity
. The possible effects of
this
problem
 include physical health problems and loss of productivity. First of all,
obesity
results
 in incorrect functioning of the human body and contributes to the risk of developing some chronic illnesses.
For example
, as body fat percentage increases, the person’s metabolism worsens, which in turn may result in diabetes or heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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.
Secondly
, overweight
people
 are very unhealthy and often suffer from stress and tiredness.
This
 lessens their work capacity and
results
 in lower productivity.
For example
, it has been proven that an obese person needs to put more effort
to complete
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into completing
show examples
 some
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 than a person with normal weight.
To sum up
,
obesity
 is a big
problem
 that affects a lot of
people
 nowadays. It’s mainly caused by inactive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and eating disorders and
results
 in severe health problems and loss of productivity. (251 words)
Submitted by lakshanichathuri896 on

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introduction conclusion present
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logical structure
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supported main points
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complete response
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clear comprehensive ideas
relevant specific examples
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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