IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today,many people do not know their neighbours in large cities.What problems does this cause?What can be done about this?

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Introduction
Presently,with the big change
of
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in
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society
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 and
technology
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,
people
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 think that the best
chosen
Replace the word
choice
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 is living at home and more
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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of
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with
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neighbours
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 will slightly decrease.
This
Linking Words
 essay will disagree that
people
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 do not have any relations with some nearly
people
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 .
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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,large cities are the best place that
have
Change the verb form
has
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 strong development of
technolgy andthis
Correct your spelling
technology and this
 is the main cause of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 between
people
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 and
people
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.
Although
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 the distance between
people
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's living is not far
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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people
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 still accept that lose the relation of
people
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by
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apply
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the way
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 always use
technology
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 devices to relax
in
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for
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freedays
Correct your spelling
free
.
Besides
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 that,
this
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 cause will reduce
communicate
Replace the word
communication
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 in
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society
Add an article
the society
a society
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 of
people
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 and make
people
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 feel a little bit
of
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apply
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scary and shy when
talk
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talking
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 to
neighbours
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.
Do not
Verb problem
Not
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
neighbours
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 will make
people
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 feel more
boring
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bored
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 and
people
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 will spend a lot of
time
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 on social media.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, have a lot of methods to solve
this
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 problem easily but
people
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 do not know apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in
society
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exactly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
People
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 should spend more
time
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on go
Wrong verb form
going
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 outside and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 more conservation with
neighbours
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 or
people
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 can gather together and have an interesting party at the weekend to improve the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
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of
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between
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people
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.
People
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 should reduce more
time
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of spend
Change preposition
spent
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 on
technology
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 devices
athough
Correct your spelling
although
 it can
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
people
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 relax and decrease
stressful
Replace the word
stress
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.
People
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 should avoid
have
Change the verb form
having
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a bad terms
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad terms
a bad term
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 on
people
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 to have a better
society
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.
Conclusion
Taking everything
in
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into
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 account,it can be seen that
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although
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despite
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 the
increasingly
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increasing
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 development of
society
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 and
technology
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
people
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 should spend more
time
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 on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
relation
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
neighbours
Use synonyms
 to make a good
society
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 in recent days. Individually,
people
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 should develop
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 a lot of methods to improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a basic structure, but there are issues with logical sequencing and clarity. Sentences seem disjointed and the flow between ideas is not smooth. Use clear topic sentences to begin each paragraph, and ensure that each subsequent sentence logically follows to develop that idea.
task achievement
The response to the task presents some relevant points but lacks development and specificity in examples. Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea followed by specific examples or explanations to fully address all parts of the task. Connect your ideas to the prompt more explicitly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
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