IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today,many people do not know their neighbours in large cities.What problems does this cause?What can be done about this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently,with the big change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 think that the best
chosen
Replace the word
choice
show examples
 is living at home and more
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
neighbours
Use synonyms
 will slightly decrease.
This
Linking Words
 essay will disagree that
people
Use synonyms
 do not have any relations with some nearly
people
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
,large cities are the best place that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong development of
technolgy andthis
Correct your spelling
technology and this
 is the main cause of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between
people
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the distance between
people
Use synonyms
's living is not far
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 still accept that lose the relation of
people
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the way
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 always use
technology
Use synonyms
 devices to relax
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
freedays
Correct your spelling
free
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
this
Linking Words
 cause will reduce
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
society
Add an article
the society
a society
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 and make
people
Use synonyms
 feel a little bit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scary and shy when
talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 to
neighbours
Use synonyms
.
Do not
Verb problem
Not
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
neighbours
Use synonyms
 will make
people
Use synonyms
 feel more
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 will spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on social media.
Secondly
Linking Words
, have a lot of methods to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem easily but
people
Use synonyms
 do not know apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
society
Use synonyms
exactly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 should spend more
time
Use synonyms
on go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 outside and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more conservation with
neighbours
Use synonyms
 or
people
Use synonyms
 can gather together and have an interesting party at the weekend to improve the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 should reduce more
time
Use synonyms
of spend
Change preposition
spent
show examples
 on
technology
Use synonyms
 devices
athough
Correct your spelling
although
 it can
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 relax and decrease
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 should avoid
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
a bad terms
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad terms
a bad term
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
 to have a better
society
Use synonyms
. Taking everything
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 account,it can be seen that
Linking Words
although
Change preposition
despite
show examples
 the
increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing
show examples
 development of
society
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
relation
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
neighbours
Use synonyms
 to make a good
society
Use synonyms
 in recent days. Individually,
people
Use synonyms
 should develop
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 a lot of methods to improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a basic structure, but there are issues with logical sequencing and clarity. Sentences seem disjointed and the flow between ideas is not smooth. Use clear topic sentences to begin each paragraph, and ensure that each subsequent sentence logically follows to develop that idea.
task achievement
The response to the task presents some relevant points but lacks development and specificity in examples. Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea followed by specific examples or explanations to fully address all parts of the task. Connect your ideas to the prompt more explicitly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: