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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
It is argued that the amount of
money
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be spent on boosting the quality of
life
 on our planet is much more than being spent on space research on an annual basis.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement because human
life
 become worse than it used to be after suffering from the COVID-19 pandemic which led to many social problems. On the one hand, spending millions of dollars on space research is not necessary and is a waste of action.
This
 is because the universe is unlimited and contains a lot of mysterious things that
people
 cannot explore everything for a short time.
For example
, many years from now, there will be plenty of news like launching a rocket out of the Earth is more popular because the Earth is now being gradually destroyed by human awareness so researchers have started to find a new planet that includes all elements of
life
 for the emigration of
people
 in the horizons. But they do not have any specific news about that alternative planet and just stand in one place after all. Because of
this
, spending
money
 on
this
 project every year but do not receive any positive results is just a waste of time.
On the other hand
, I believe that that
money
 should be spent on developing living standards for humans. The reason is
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become worse after numerous diseases.
For instance
, the rate of unemployment
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 rapidly after Covid pandemic, which led to economic degradation in every nation and some citizens had to move to another place to find a new job.
Moreover
, social issues appeared a lot
such
 as criminal commitment, some
people
 have to kill each other to steal their property.
As a consequence
, human
life
 will be destroyed before the Earth's death. In brief,
although
 spending
money
 on space research is good because a new place can be found for human's new
life
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is not as important as boosting human living standards with that
money
.
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task
While the essay does provide a clear thesis and addresses both sides of the argument, some points need more detailed explanation or clearer links to the main argument. For example, the mention of COVID-19 could be expanded to show concrete connections to broader social issues.
coherence
The logical flow of the essay could be improved by making transitions between ideas smoother. At times, the argument jumps without clear connections, which can confuse the reader. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow.
coherence
Some main points in the essay are not fully supported with specific evidence. While the essay mentions unemployment and crime, providing actual statistics or specific examples could strengthen the argument.
coherence
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in making the argument understandable.
task
The use of examples such as the impact of COVID-19 on society and the costs of space research helps to ground the discussion in real-world issues.
coherence
The introduction concisely presents the argument and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
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