Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centers. How does this affect the environment and people’s lifestyle? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions to address these issues. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.
Nowadays, many countries choose to develop more commercial centres in the rural areas It is argued that
this
may have an impact on the residents and the environment. In this
essay, I will discuss the possible effects of both and provide some ways to improve the situation.
Commercial development can have some negative impacts, for instance
, the amount of pollution
in the area would increase significantly due to
the high usage of public and private transportation. Air
pollution
can directly harm the bodies of water and soil. As a result
, it can be harmful to crops, agriculture
, and reduce the growth of young trees and other plants. Correct word choice
and agriculture
Furthermore
, many studies have proven air
pollution
is
not only affects Unnecessary verb
apply
the
natureCorrect article usage
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
increases the risk of many health
conditions. According to
Add an article
the world
world
Correct your spelling
World Health Organization
health
organization, there are some health
consequences of air
pollution
on populations. Both short and long term
exposure could cause Add a hyphen
long-term
variety
of adverse Add an article
a variety
health
outcomes such
as; it may cause a delay in recovery and trigger
other Wrong verb form
triggering
health
issues, gives
Verb problem
having
serious
impact Add an article
a serious
to
vulnerable people like pregnant women, elderlies, newborns, and patients with disabilities and chronic diseases. As they Change preposition
on
have
immunocompromised and high risk of getting sick easily.
There are, Verb problem
are
however
, some ways to alleviate these problems. The government should come up with an effective way on
reducing emissions. Investing money Change preposition
of
on
research and Change preposition
in
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
that
could help study or invent some tools that will help improve the Correct pronoun usage
apply
air
quality. For example
, developing electric vehicles and encourage
people to use them. Wrong verb form
encouraging
This
will help enhance air
quality since this
is an environmentally friendly vehicles
which Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
produce
less Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
pollution
. Along
with
, Correct pronoun usage
with this
this
will help deal some
agricultural problems which lead to higher crop yields and healthy growth of crops and trees. Change preposition
with some
Next,
outdoors
activities should Change the word
outdoor
Add a missing verb
be limit
limit
especially along busy streets and congested areas. Replace the word
limited
This
includes walking and exercising, instead
, people should encourage
to Wrong verb form
be encouraged
workout
indoors or Correct your spelling
work
going
to the gym. Wrong verb form
go
Although
, Correct word choice
However
considering
wearing a mask with better filtration capabilities would Verb problem
apply
also
help lessen the exposure to air
that is
considered unhealthy.
In conclusion, even though agricultural lands are getting
replaced by commercial centres, it is important that Verb problem
being
government
Correct article usage
the government
should
consider its major impact Verb problem
apply
to
the environment which Change preposition
on
also
, put
risks Verb problem
poses
on
Change preposition
to
resident’s
Fix the agreement mistake
residents’
health
. However
, public health
awareness to
the community and investment Change preposition
in
on
research would give Change preposition
in
opportunity
to control Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
the
Correct article usage
apply
air
pollution
in rural areas.Submitted by dayanarobancho on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has clear paragraphs, each with a central idea that is expanded upon throughout the paragraph. Logical connectors should be used to create a more cohesive argumentation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Be consistent in the use of tenses and maintain focus on the central topic throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more clearly articulated. It is important to precisely paraphrase the task in the introduction and clearly summarize the main points in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the response to the task is complete by fully addressing all parts of the prompt and presenting a balanced discussion on the effects of commercial centers on the environment and people's lifestyle.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively by exploring the implications, providing more details, and presenting a deeper analysis of the issues raised in the prompt.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen the arguments. Real-world illustrations or statistics could make your points more convincing and concrete.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.