Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Migrating from one country to another country is still occurring today. There are several reasons to move
such
as war, genocide, welfare, and so on.
People
are trying to cross the border and reach their limit. To adapt to a new
culture
,
people
usually use their own style. In the traditional
way
,
for example
, they try to adapt to rules and policies that are created by the government.
On the contrary
,
people
use some tools to interact with local
customs
and
culture
. I totally agree with using some tools
such
as the internet or any medium that can
immigrants
interact with a new country.
Firstly
, to illustrate the new
way
,
immigrants
must interact with some tools. It will give them several opportunities to get friends, families, and jobs.
For instance
, foreigners can attend a festival or visit a community to learn something new.
Besides
, they can join an activity
such
as charity to develop their social life.
Immigrants
will act as a volunteer and mingle with the society.
Then
,
immigrants
can use technology as a medium to learn about new cultures. There are a lot of possibilities to learn about
culture
with the embassy’s website. It involves information about social life, news, politics, and many more.
Next,
visiting the museum can be a good choice to educate
immigrants
because of the historical aspect itself. It tells the history of local heritage and archipelago.
Secondly
,
people
can adapt to a new
culture
with the old
way
. They usually obey some rules from the government. The old
way
of interacting with local
people
is confusing for
immigrants
.
Immigrants
must follow strict policies and procedures to communicate with local
people
. They cannot speak freely and politely on social aspects.
Then
, it will limit their freedom and make it harder to coordinate with new cultures. In the end, they cannot create a relationship with the new community and fail to adapt to local
customs
. To summarize, I believe that there are several methods to adapt to local
customs
. I totally agree with using some mediums to interact with local
people
.
However
,
immigrants
can adapt easily to the local
customs
and codes of behaviour.
Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. The introduction and conclusion do not succinctly express your main point, and the body paragraphs require clearer connections and transitions. To improve, ensure that each paragraph builds on the last and that the introduction and conclusion clearly state your argument and summarise your points, respectively.
Task Achievement
While you have responded to the task, the response is not complete, and the ideas presented are not always clear or comprehensive. Make sure that your essay directly addresses the question and that your opinion is presented unequivocally. Expand upon your ideas to provide a more in-depth analysis, and ensure that examples are relevant and support your main points directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immigrants
  • integrated
  • adapt
  • customs
  • codes of behavior
  • social integration
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • estranged
  • mutual respect
  • harmoniously
  • assimilation
  • multicultural environment
  • inclusivity
  • diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: