IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Marketers should not be allowed to target children in their advertisements. Would you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, the world of marketing and
media
Use synonyms
 has developed. Most
marketers
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 like to make amazing
advertisements
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 to trick their consumers into purchasing goods or remembering their brand well. Some
advertisements
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 reflect people’s creativity. From my point of view, I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Definitely, people can access
media
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 easily.
Also
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,
kids
Use synonyms
 may approach many types of
media
Use synonyms
 including
advertisements
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.
However
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, some
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 do not have much
media
Use synonyms
 literacy or experience like an adult. They will remember some words or actions without truly understanding.
For example
Linking Words
, some
kids
Use synonyms
 randomly remember popular impolite words even if they do not know what
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 really
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
show examples
 and use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with family, friends or teachers. The other reason is some
advertisements
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 will trigger
kids
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' interest in some toys or merchandise that they cannot afford
due to
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 its price.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
advertisements
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 are good examples of creativity. Some
advertisements
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 can lead and inspire children to be imaginative. Many
kids
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 like to watch
advertisements
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due to
Linking Words
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 visuals and it can be thrilling to find an interest in the creative field. In my point of view,
marketers
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 might think carefully about
Use synonyms
advertisements
Change the noun form
advertisement
show examples
 content for
kids
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 both visually and verbally because it will affect some
kids
Use synonyms
.
And
Correct word choice
Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 parents might advise
the
Change the word
their
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 about the
media
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 and restrict some inappropriate
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. In summary, I totally agree that
marketers
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 should not directly make
advertisements
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 for children because some
kids
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did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have much
media
Use synonyms
 literacy or experience like an adult.
However
Linking Words
,
marketers
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 should be aware of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 and parents should guide their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 about
media
Use synonyms
 as well.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the essay has a clear introductory statement that presents the topic and your viewpoint clearly.
supported main points
Work on crafting comprehensive supporting paragraphs that fully develop your argument with clear topic sentences and relevant examples.
logical structure
Maintain a logical flow by using cohesive devices effectively and ensuring paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next.
complete response
Make sure to answer the prompt fully by covering all aspects of the task question with a clear position throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate on your ideas with clear and comprehensive explanations, ensuring that the reader understands your arguments fully.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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