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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

One of the consequences of impruved medical care is that people are living longer and life expecnctancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this deveopment outweigh the disadvantages?

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Since the landing of technology, scientists have been developing improvements in healthcare that allow us to live longer than in the past.
As a result
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, the individual can plan his or her life sometimes beyond 100 years.
This
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 is a great achievement, but can sometimes come with some drawbacks. Certainly, it is very common to find elderly
people
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 with medical problems or disabilities
,
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apply
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 and one of the biggest problems is that their families have to assume the responsibility of taking care of them or, sometimes, even the government.
In addition
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,
this
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 sometimes involves a high economic cost, because they need some special treatment or care
due to
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 the problems that their advanced age can bring.
This
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 shows that sometimes longevity is not
such
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 a good thing as it makes us dependent on others.
On the other hand
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, we can see older
people
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 who are very healthy, active and full of joy. Many
people
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 after retirement consider that they are starting a new life.
In addition
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, for family and
friends
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friends,
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 it is a wonderful experience and a blessing to be able to share with them and treasure moments with the elders of the family,
for example
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 with their grandchildren and in some cases supporting them in their upbringing. In short, the elderly are an important pillar
for
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of
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 society as they teach us based on their experience and none of
this
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 would be possible without the advances in technology that allow us to have better health and prolong the average life span. In conclusion, in my opinion, despite the economic disadvantages or the lack of independence in some cases with extending
people
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's lives, I think it is always better to have our loved ones closer for longer, and
thus
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 to be able to treasure more moments together, so the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to present your ideas in a more structured manner. Paragraphs should follow a logical sequence, each one clearly connected to the next with appropriate use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved with clearer thesis statements and summaries of the main points. Make sure they encapsulate your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points by including more developed arguments and specific details. Each idea should be fully explained and supported with examples or evidence.
task achievement
While you addressed the task, ensuring a more developed and thorough exploration of the topic would enhance your essay. Your response should delve deeper into the implications of increased life expectancy.
task achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. Each paragraph should be well-thought-out and contribute significantly to the overall argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points; this demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic and strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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