IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

A country should spend money on skills training or vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #money #skills #work #university #education
It is widely believed that investing a huge budget in skills or vocational training for practical work is a better way to promote economic growth than in college education. I disagree with
this
 argument, so would like to explain my instance that all these sectors should receive the same prioritization from governments as each might be suitable for other groups and purposes. It is essential to continue to allocate resources to skills training or vocational schools.
This
 could help to tackle
such
 employment-related problems. Students who are not interested in pursuing a bachelor’s degree could enroll on these schools which have many short-time courses and cheaper tuition fees.
Therefore
, students could reduce their financial burden and embark on the labour market sooner than college students who have to take at least 3,5 years to obtain their degree.
This
 not only affects positively the residents' income but
also
 reduces the unemployment rate and boosts the diversity of the national workforce.
In addition
, I
also
 completely support the argument that governments should prioritize expenditure on university education.
This
 would develop a number of professors and scientists who could spend a long-lasting period researching to invent new cutting-edge technology which might solve
such
 national
as well as
 global issues.
For instance
,
allocating
Change preposition
by allocating
show examples
 over 20 million dollars to support
such
 eminent biologists and doctors who have worked and researched at prestigious universities, the US government helped humankind to overcome the coronavirus in 2020. So, I believe spending money on encouraging university education is the key to humankind’s development. In conclusion,
although
 paying more attention to allocating resources to vocational and skills training is necessary, governments
also
 should not ignore the emphasis on college training.
Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion clearly state your position regarding the given topic, which includes not only presenting opposite views but also indicating to what extent you agree or disagree with them.
Coherence
Work to create an essay that includes a clear and logical progression of ideas. Make sure transitions between paragraphs and sentences are smooth and purposeful. Reflect on how each paragraph builds upon the previous one to support your thesis.
Cohesion
Though you have provided some support for your points with examples, make sure that these are fully extended and developed. Examples should be detailed and specific, illustrating the point clearly and reinforcing your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: