IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Global warming is one of the various climate issues. Discuss the possible causes ad offer measures to control the damage caused.

#climate #ad #offer #measures #control #damage
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These experiences of
involvements
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involvement
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 in projects and industrial exposure were both deeply insightful and in
fact
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fact,
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 were contributing factors
in
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to
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 my growing enthusiasm
in
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for
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 the aircraft systems and flight performance field. Now, I am eager to delve deeper into
this
 specialized field, working to develop an application that can enhance
safe
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the safe
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 operation of
UAV
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UAVs
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 through accurate trajectory planning and optimization.
Additionally
, I am committed to promoting gender diversity in engineering. Even
in
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at
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 my undergraduate level, through my positions in student bodies
such
 as Business Manager
in
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at
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Society
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the Society
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 of Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering Students (SOMAES) and
Webmasters
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Webmaster
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/ Social Media Manager
in
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at
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 SEDS-Pulchowk, I have actively participated in motivating the younger generation into STEM, especially women. A
graduate
 degree will not only enhance my technical expertise but
also
 position me as a role model and advocate for women in engineering. For
graduate
studies
, I am particularly interested in developing algorithms for planning efficient and safe flight paths for UAS, considering factors
such
 as terrain, weather, and foreign
body
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bodies
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 in shared airspace.
Additionally
, I am keen on exploring techniques for optimizing UAS flight paths in
real time
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real-time
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, based on variable parameters and sensor data. My interests align closely with the research areas offered by the Master's program at Ohio State University—Unmanned Aircraft Systems (UAS) and the previous work of Dr. Clifford Whitfield, one of the leading professors at Ohio, making him an ideal faculty mentor for my
graduate
studies
. I would be highly honoured to pursue
graduate
studies
 under his guidance. Having built a strong foundational knowledge during my undergraduate
studies
, I believe I will be able to explore more on my research skills with the highly regarded faculties and laboratories that your university offers. As evident from my transcript, I experienced
a
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apply
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significant academic growth during my final year, and I attribute it to a great mentorship and collaboration with people having similar research interests. I am highly positive about finding a similar sanctuary under Dr. Whitfield’s
research’s
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research
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 group, and believe that I would be a great fit for the program. Thank you for reviewing my application.
Submitted by swikritishrestha90 on

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task achievement
The essay does not address the IELTS task topic which is to discuss the causes of global warming and measures to control the damage. Instead, it discusses the applicant's aspirations and experiences related to graduate studies in engineering.
coherence cohesion
Without an appropriate introduction and conclusion addressing the task topic of global warming's causes and mitigation measures, the essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The essay must start with an introduction to the issue of global warming, followed by coherent paragraphs that address the specific topic, and end with a conclusion that summarizes the discussion.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a clear logical sequence of ideas that are well-structured and connected. Use linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas and include an introductory statement, body paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details, and a concluding paragraph that restates the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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