IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment.

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Nowadays, the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 still
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 and the percentage
Use synonyms
teenagers
Change preposition
of teenagers
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 who join it is
also
Linking Words
 rising. Certain
people
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 think that
should send
Verb problem
apply
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teenagers
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crimes
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 who
join
Verb problem
commit
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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heavy
crimes
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into
Verb problem
should be sent to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail
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as well as
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 to receive
same
Add an article
the same
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 punishment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on
this
Linking Words
 situation and put forward
of
Change preposition
apply
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my opinion that I keep neutral views about
this
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 statement. There are several reasons why some
people
Use synonyms
 think that should send
teenagers
Use synonyms
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
enjoy
Correct word choice
and enjoy
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 treatment
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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.
Firstly
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,
this
Linking Words
law
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 can ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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community safety, if some
teenagers
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do
Verb problem
make
show examples
Use synonyms
mistake
Correct article usage
the mistake
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to
Change preposition
of touching
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touch
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
, and can
warning
Wrong verb form
warn
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 other
people
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 who want
commit
Fix the infinitive
to commit
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 major
crimes
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, according
Change preposition
to some
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some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
Replace the word
popular
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popularly
Change the word
popular
show examples
 humanity
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 shows that those
people
Use synonyms
 when they join some heavy
crimes
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in that
Correct word choice
apply
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they keep away
Change preposition
from school
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school
Change preposition
from school
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 education and
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 teach
Change preposition
for a
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a
Change preposition
for a
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long time, they
touch
Use synonyms
 some
Replace the word
bad
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badness
Replace the word
bad
show examples
people
Use synonyms
Change preposition
apply
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on
Change preposition
apply
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untimely, they
mental
Correct word choice
apply
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are growth already
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, and they repeatability
in to
Join the words
into
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, some
people
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want
Add the particle
want to
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 keep their
live
Replace the word
lives
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, and they do not have a job offer
subsist
Fix the infinitive
to subsist
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, they only
stole
Wrong verb form
steal
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 other
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 worth
stuff
Change preposition
of stuff
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,
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 issue can
case
Correct your spelling
cause
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people
Use synonyms
hurt
Fix the infinitive
to hurt
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 or other society instability,
this
Linking Words
 thing is not a
teenager’s
Change the noun form
teenagers
teenager
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 mental can do. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, solving any problem should
to be
Verb problem
apply
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considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 each point and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be extremes,
this
Linking Words
 situation is
not
Correct your spelling
no
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 different.
For example
Linking Words
, some
teenagers
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 are first
Use synonyms
touch
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
law
Use synonyms
, they
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 leave home and school, if they are sent
into
Change preposition
to
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 the
adult
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jail
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, in
this
Linking Words
 place only
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and the criminal
also
Linking Words
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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mental
Change the adjective
mentally
show examples
. When they end the time, they will continue
do
Verb problem
to make
show examples
Use synonyms
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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. There are some project shows that if
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
 some mental intervention and send into the teenager’s
jail
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 when they first
touch
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 situation can
effective
Change the adjective
effectively
show examples
 make
teenagers
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
Use synonyms
mistake
Correct subject-verb agreement
mistakes
show examples
. In conclusion, though I agree
send
Wrong verb form
that sending
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teenagers
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to
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into
Change preposition
to
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
jail
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 receive
Correct article usage
the same
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same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 punishments,
Correct word choice
apply
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but
Correct word choice
apply
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I
also
Linking Words
 think when young
people
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touch
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 the
law
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,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the law
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law
Correct article usage
the law
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 department cannot
Linking Words
Change the word
first
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firstly
Replace the word
first
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 think
send
Wrong verb form
about sending
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Correct pronoun usage
them
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they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
Change preposition
to
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into
Change preposition
to
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
, they should observe those
people
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 whether can correct their
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult to follow the line of argument. The introduction and conclusion are present but inadequately developed. To improve, ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion with well-defined arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the essay would benefit from more developed ideas and clearer explanations. Make sure each paragraph explores a single main idea with supporting evidence or examples.
task achievement
Your response only partially fulfills the task requirements. The essay presents a stance but fails to fully develop it with clear and comprehensive ideas. Enhance your response by offering a more thorough discussion with well-elaborated points and a definitive opinion.
task achievement
While some relevant examples are provided, they are not always specific or effectively used to strengthen the argument. Strive to include pertinent examples that directly support your points and are clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings significantly hinder the essay's readability. Pay careful attention to grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary choice to ensure clear and accurate communication of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
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