In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment.

Nowadays, the number of
crimes
still
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
and the percentage
teenagers
Change preposition
of teenagers
show examples
who join it is
also
rising. Certain
people
think that
should send
Verb problem
apply
show examples
teenagers
crimes
who
join
Verb problem
commit
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy
crimes
into
Verb problem
should be sent to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
people
to receive
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
punishment.
This
essay will shed light on
this
situation and put forward
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion that I keep neutral views about
this
statement. There are several reasons why some
people
think that should send
teenagers
into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
enjoy
Correct word choice
and enjoy
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
treatment
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
.
Firstly
,
this
law
can ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community safety, if some
teenagers
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistake
Correct article usage
the mistake
show examples
to
Change preposition
of touching
show examples
touch
this
, and can
warning
Wrong verb form
warn
show examples
other
people
who want
commit
Fix the infinitive
to commit
show examples
major
crimes
.
Secondly
, according
Change preposition
to some
show examples
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
Replace the word
popular
show examples
popularly
Change the word
popular
show examples
humanity
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
shows that those
people
when they join some heavy
crimes
in that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they keep away
Change preposition
from school
show examples
school
Change preposition
from school
show examples
education and
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
teach
Change preposition
for a
show examples
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
long time, they
touch
some
Replace the word
bad
show examples
badness
Replace the word
bad
show examples
people
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
untimely, they
mental
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
are growth already
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, and they repeatability
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
.
For instance
, some
people
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
keep their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, and they do not have a job offer
subsist
Fix the infinitive
to subsist
show examples
, they only
stole
Wrong verb form
steal
show examples
other
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
worth
stuff
Change preposition
of stuff
show examples
,
also
this
issue can
case
Correct your spelling
cause
show examples
people
hurt
Fix the infinitive
to hurt
show examples
or other society instability,
this
thing is not a
teenager’s
Change the noun form
teenagers
teenager
show examples
mental can do. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, solving any problem should
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
each point and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be extremes,
this
situation is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
different.
For example
, some
teenagers
are first
touch
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
law
, they
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
leave home and school, if they are sent
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
adult
jail
, in
this
place only
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and the criminal
also
can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mental
Change the adjective
mentally
show examples
. When they end the time, they will continue
do
Verb problem
to make
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
. There are some project shows that if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
some mental intervention and send into the teenager’s
jail
when they first
touch
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
.
This
situation can
effective
Change the adjective
effectively
show examples
make
teenagers
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
mistake
Correct subject-verb agreement
mistakes
show examples
. In conclusion, though I agree
send
Wrong verb form
that sending
show examples
teenagers
Change preposition
to
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
jail
receive
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
punishments,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I
also
think when young
people
touch
the
law
,
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
department cannot
Change the word
first
show examples
firstly
Replace the word
first
show examples
think
send
Wrong verb form
about sending
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
, they should observe those
people
whether can correct their
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
.
Submitted by ur790609922 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult to follow the line of argument. The introduction and conclusion are present but inadequately developed. To improve, ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion with well-defined arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the essay would benefit from more developed ideas and clearer explanations. Make sure each paragraph explores a single main idea with supporting evidence or examples.
task achievement
Your response only partially fulfills the task requirements. The essay presents a stance but fails to fully develop it with clear and comprehensive ideas. Enhance your response by offering a more thorough discussion with well-elaborated points and a definitive opinion.
task achievement
While some relevant examples are provided, they are not always specific or effectively used to strengthen the argument. Strive to include pertinent examples that directly support your points and are clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings significantly hinder the essay's readability. Pay careful attention to grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary choice to ensure clear and accurate communication of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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