IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Machines and robots are increasingly replacing workers in a number of industries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#machines #robots #workers #industries #development
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Technology equipments are developing and they are supplanting employees in many factories .I am of the opinion that the number of benefits exceeds
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 drawbacks , which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay . Admittedly , there is one obvious
disadvantages
Change to a singular noun
disadvantage
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 behind
such
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trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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 .In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
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,machines and
robots
Use synonyms
 will make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
more
Change the word
apply
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better and
easily
Replace the word
easier
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 so many workers will lose their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
For example
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 , many auto companies are gradually replacing humans with
robots
Use synonyms
 to make cars.
However
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 , I am of the opinion that
this
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 line of reasoning is not sound , the development
technology
Change preposition
of technology
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 can create many new tasks
such
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 as assembling
robots
Use synonyms
 , controlling
robots
Use synonyms
 or transporting them to many factories.
On the other hand
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 , there exist two visible advantages of
this
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 development .One of the biggest advantages is that
robots
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 provide a significant opportunity in error-free and some standard in the quality of the manufacturing process.
This
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mean
Change the verb form
means
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 that buyers will be able to earn money comfortably without
worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
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 about the quality of
product
Add an article
the product
a product
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 .
As a consequence
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 , they always feel
sastisfied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 and happy and their condition life more better .
For example
Linking Words
 , when buyers buy a good technology device , they can use it
in
Change preposition
for
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long
Change the article
a long
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 time so they can not
maintenance
Replace the word
maintain
show examples
 each month. Another major positive is that employees can have
a
Remove the article
apply
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good health.
That is
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 to
say
Add a comma
say,
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 workers can not face to face with a bad environment
such
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 as a
poision
Correct your spelling
poison
 in
chemical
Correct article usage
a chemical
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 research factory .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , people will live longer . In conclusion , I am strongly convinced that
robots
Use synonyms
 and machines replacing workers in many factories is indeed
a
Change the article
an
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advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 trend.
Submitted by nemm0312 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. Ideas are presented without clear transitions or logical sequencing, which can confuse the reader. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to it. Use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not clearly articulated. The thesis statement is weak and the conclusion does not effectively summarise the main points of the essay. Work on developing a stronger thesis statement and a conclusion that restates your main points and provides a clear final thought on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the support is often unconvincing or irrelevant. Use specific, relevant examples to back up your claims, and make sure there is a clear connection between your examples and the main points they are supporting.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. The essay attempts to address the prompt, but it does not fully develop a response to all parts of the question. Make sure to address both advantages and disadvantages adequately and to discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
The ideas presented are not clearly developed or comprehensive. The writing lacks depth and does not explore the implications or complexities of the topic in a detailed manner. Strive to fully develop your ideas with explanation, detail, and critical thought.
task achievement
The essay provides examples, but they are not always relevant or specific. Make sure the examples you give clearly support the point you are trying to make and are detailed enough to help the reader understand the connection to your argument.
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