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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that governments should invest more in public services such as health and education, while others think that it is more important to spend money on the arts, including music and theatre. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today's rapidly changing world, public
services
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 play a vital role in shaping
individuals
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' futures and advancing society. Some people think that
governments
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 should invest more in public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as health and
education
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,
while
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 others argue that it is more important to spend money on the arts, including music and theatre. The present essay will examine
both
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 supporting and opposing viewpoints before presenting a well-reasoned personal stance. On the one hand, supporters of
governments
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 should invest more in public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as health and
education
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 believe that it offers clear advantages for the two
individuals
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 and society. One key reason is that it can lead to greater opportunities for personal and professional development, which contributes to long-term improvements in quality of life and economic stability. To illustrate, in countries that invest in
education
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 and healthcare, there are often positive outcomes
such
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 as a more skilled workforce and greater economic productivity.
As a result
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,
this
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 approach is considered effective and necessary by many.
On the other hand
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, others argue that it is more important to spend money on the arts, including music and theatre, which may bring more sustainable and long-term benefits.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 perspective often focuses on addressing the root causes of problems rather than just the symptoms.
For instance
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, when
governments
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 or communities support community-based initiatives and long-term planning, it can lead to reduced reliance on short-term fixes and external aid, which benefits
both
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individuals
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 and the wider community.
Therefore
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,
this
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 view is increasingly gaining support in modern societies. By way of conclusion, after analyzing
both
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 points of view, I believe that
governments
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 should invest more in public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as health and
education
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 is more beneficial in the long term, as it offers more effective solutions for
both
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individuals
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 and society.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps readers understand your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words to improve flow between ideas. For example, use "however" or "furthermore" more frequently.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
content
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing balance in your writing.
structure
Your introduction clearly outlines what the essay will discuss, which is positive for the reader's understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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