Watching a live performance such as play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable for the audience. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#live #performance #concert #event #audience

The audience finds it

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more enjoyable to watch a

live

performance. The reason why attendees tend to attend a

live

concert is more exciting than watching it

broadcasted

Wrong verb form

broadcast

show examples

on TV. In my opinion, I think the advantages of watching a

live

event outweigh the disadvantages.

To begin

with, watching a

live

event is good for your mental health. With the atmosphere in the room, you feel relaxed, happy, and excited.

For instance

, when going to a music concert, you not only listen to the melody

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

enjoy the amusement environment,

cheer

Correct word choice

and cheer

show examples

the crowd.

Secondly

, it is a chance for you to meet new friends,

experience

Correct word choice

and experience

show examples

something new. You could meet someone who shares a similar taste in music,

personality

Correct word choice

and personality

show examples

in a

live

show.

Additionally

, watching a

live

performance

also

helps improve your physical health. In an auditorium, you find yourself walking around, dancing to the melody, jumping up and down. Being active for hours is equivalent to exercising.

On the other hand

, some people find it is too expensive for them to afford a ticket,

consequently

Add a comma

consequently,

show examples

they choose to watch it on television to save money.

Moreover

, others are afraid that they cannot enjoy the show to the fullest. To illustrate, the crowd is so noisy that they can hardly hear anything.

And the

Correct word choice

The

show examples

audience

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

way too far from the stage,

thus

they don’t have a chance to see the player well.

To sum up

, some audiences think watching shows

broadcasted

Wrong verb form

broadcast

show examples

on television is more convenient. But I think, watching a

live

performance brings more joy, happiness, and amusement than seeing it on TV. In

this

point, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by dohuyhoang on Wed Nov 29 2023

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task response

To improve your task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Each point you make should be followed by specific examples or explanations. Consider elaborating more on each advantage and disadvantage instead of listing them. This will demonstrate your ability to explore ideas more deeply.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more naturally. Also, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed with related sentences.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Watching a live performance such as play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable for the audience. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. Some people think individual sports e.g. tennis and swimming are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Population in cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects of it? What solutions can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.

Of all the global environmental problems, desertification is, perhaps, the most threatening for poor rural people. Desertification is the expansion of desert lands into previously non-desert areas. What are the causes and consequences of desertification? How can this issue be solved ?

some people believe that watching tv bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your opinion