IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environment problem of our time is the loss of particular of plants and animals.Others say that there are more important environmental problems.Discuss both these views and give your own options.

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During recent decades, there have been a lot of debates over the issue of
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of some plants or
animals
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that
this
Linking Words
 is the worst environmental challenge we face, others declare that there are other problems which are far more considerable. In my opinion, every single issue should be taken into account in order to find a solution. On the one hand, some environmental activists have maintained that the extinction of several plant or animal species must be addressed prior to other
obstackles
Correct your spelling
obstacles
.
Firstly
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, they have argued that if crops
become
Verb problem
apply
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died
Wrong verb form
die
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 out, many unpredictable natural disasters we will face
such
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 as horrible floods which, in turn, could devastate numerous residential areas.
Secondly
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, as many crops and
animals
Use synonyms
 are the food for other predator species, their loss would put other
animals
Use synonyms
` lives at risk.
Finally
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, apart from feeding, humans use plenty of
animals
Use synonyms
 so as to enhance their own quality of life.
For example
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, dogs, throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history, have helped farmers to protect their families and
sheeps
Correct your spelling
sheep
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 against wild predators
such
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 as wolves. extinction of these
animals
Use synonyms
 would have a negative impact on peasants` lives.
On the other hand
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, many biologists have declared that
although
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 the loss of particular plants and
animals
Use synonyms
 is a major problem, it is not a priority whatsoever. It is noticeable that there is a range of environmental concerns which should be put under scrutiny
such
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 as the hole of
ozone
Add an article
the ozone
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 layer, acidic rains, and an increase in world temperature owing to
ever-increasing
Add an article
the ever-increasing
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 use of fuels. The hole
of
Change preposition
in
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ozone
Add an article
the ozone
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 layer could let UV radiation reach
to
Change preposition
apply
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the earth, which can lead to many diseases
such
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 as skin cancer.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming could result in an increase in the levels of seas and oceans.
this
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 phenomenon could lead to
put
Change the verb form
putting
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 the lands under the water and
this
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 threatens many species` lives
such
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 as humans. These problems should quickly be addressed. In conclusion, from my perspective, all environmental issues should be considered in order to be tackled as soon as possible.
There
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 are all necessary and we cannot put one behind another.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. It's crucial that you structure your essay so that each point is elaborated upon sufficiently and linked back to the central argument of the essay. To improve, consider including clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and make sure that linking phrases are used to help guide the reader through your line of reasoning. Additionally, avoid abrupt transitions between ideas by building bridges using conjunctions and transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
Your essay meets the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion, which is good. To elevate your score, ensure that your opinion is not only clear but also thoroughly explained and backed up with very specific and directly relevant examples. Your premises need to be explicitly linked to your conclusion. Further, try to cover all parts of the task equally to demonstrate a well-balanced consideration of the topic. Dedicating a more balanced portion of the essay to discussing each viewpoint can help with this.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem
  • Extinction
  • Habitat destruction
  • Pollution
  • Climate change
  • Deforestation
  • Conservation
  • Preservation
  • Sustainable development
  • Balance
  • Interconnectedness
  • Ecological footprint
  • Global warming
  • Natural resources
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