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Writing Samples
Band 4

Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the problem?

#resource #regions #world #demand #measures #governments #individuals
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Clean
water
Use synonyms
 is a restricted
recourse
Correct your spelling
resource
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 in certain nations of the earth.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, the increasing
consume
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consumption
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 has changed it into a global issue. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is because excessive
developing
Replace the word
development
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 exerts a negative influence on
water
Use synonyms
 quality and
population
Add an article
the population
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 is increasing more and more. The best solution for it is that the government should make
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 preserving the environment
as well as
Linking Words
 individuals save
water
Use synonyms
 their place. The main cause of the problem is that most developing countries play an increasingly more negative role in the environment for their economic aims. They continue to make
deforestration
Correct your spelling
deforestation
 and industrialization in numerous places, using
water
Use synonyms
 sources.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as the global population continues to increase, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 freshwater for meals, cleaning and agriculture rises. One of the most effective solutions is that the government should regulate
water
Use synonyms
 management policies.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government prevent factories and industrial areas from using excessive
water
Use synonyms
 sources by charging overuse fees.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people should be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 how to save
water
Use synonyms
 usefully through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
water saving
Add a hyphen
water-saving
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 campaigns.
In other words
Linking Words
, schools should teach children how to save
water
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 by establishing extracurricular
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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, and households should take action by changing their lifestyles. In conclusion, it is evident that many countries around
world
Add an article
the world
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 will
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from increasingly reducing freshwater in the foreseeable future.
Thus
Linking Words
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments and individuals should participate together to solve the
water
Use synonyms
 scarcity problems.
Submitted by dlwhdgur6575 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but the response needs to be further developed to fully answer all parts of the question. Make sure to elaborate on the causes of the increasing demand for freshwater and discuss a wider range of measures that both governments and individuals can take.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is discernible, but transitions between ideas can be improved. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure all sentences within the paragraph coherently support the main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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