Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on it? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. Explain your choice by using specific reasons and details.
Using
computer
for long hours at an early age become Fix the agreement mistake
computers
complex
debate. There are some Add an article
a complex
commuinty
who Correct your spelling
communities
are
support of Unnecessary verb
apply
advantages
of this
idea while
others disagree. In my oponion
, there are several Correct your spelling
opinion
advantages
and disadvantages but overall
I believe there are more advantages
.
To begin
with, using computer
at an early age have several benefical
impact Correct your spelling
beneficial
for
their future careers Change preposition
on
such
as enhances
technological fluency and Wrong verb form
enhancing
assits
with educational Correct your spelling
assisting
development
. Firstly
, having technological knowledge and fluency can create contemporary job oppurtunites
by Keeping up with the changing world. Correct your spelling
opportunities
Secondly
, computers have enough capacity to help children
for
Change preposition
with
thier
educational Correct your spelling
their
development
. To given
an example, Change the form of the verb
give
children
can access any information by using thier
Correct your spelling
their
computer
and Correct article usage
the internet
internet
.
Capitalize word
Internet
In contrast
, This
also
has its negative aspects such
as potential
for decreased physical activity andAdd an article
the potential
impair
social skill Wrong verb form
impaired
development
. Initially
, using computers for long hours might lead to minimizing physical activity which is dangerous because it can cause serious diseases such
as heart diseases.
Furthermore
, By spending time in the virtual world social skills may decrease and this
will be dangerous for their future career. For instance
, children
can not adopt
real world and they might have Correct your spelling
adapt
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
about
making friends.
Change preposition
with
To sum up
, enhances
technological fluency and getting help from Wrong verb form
enhanced
Correct article usage
a compoter
compoter
for educational Correct your spelling
computer
composer
development
are mainly advantages
of using computers for long hours at an early age but there are some risky situations such
as physical activity and social relationships. In my view, parents should pay attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
what
their Change preposition
to what
children
use the computer
for and how long they use it.Submitted by utkankorkmaz on
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coherence cohesion
The essay makes an attempt to organize ideas logically, but the cohesion is occasionally compromised due to awkward or repetitive sentence structures. Ensure smoother transitions and varied sentence constructions to enhance the logical flow and make arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are identifiable but could be strengthened. The introduction should clearly paraphrase the question and provide a concise thesis statement. The conclusion needs to effectively summarize the main points without introducing new ideas. Aim for a more impactful opening and closing to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are present, but the supporting explanations and examples are not always fully developed or directly linked to the core argument. To improve, focus on deepening your analysis and providing specific, directly related examples that reinforce your assertions.
task achievement
You provided an understandable response to the task with some clear and comprehensive ideas. However, to enhance your score, aim for a more detailed exploration of the topic. Develop your ideas thoroughly and ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall argument of the essay.
task achievement
While your essay touches on relevant ideas, the specificity of examples and evidence is somewhat lacking. Incorporate more concrete examples and detailed explanations to substantiate your points, making your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.