IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Currently, there is a trend towards alternative forms of medicine. However, at the best these methods are ineffective, and worst, they may be dangerous. In what extend do you agree with this statement.

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In the modern days popularity of unofficial kinds of healing grows
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a high speed.
Although
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 these kinds of
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
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 can be cheap and widely accessible, I strongly believe they don’t work in a proper way and
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 can be harmful. The
alternative
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 forms of
medicine
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 don’t work as much
effective
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effectively
show examples
 as the official kind of
medicine
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.
In other words
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unofficial healing has existed
at
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for at
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 least ten thousand
years
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 but it has not influenced
on
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apply
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life
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extension
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 in
real
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a real
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 way.
For example
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,
an
Correct article usage
the
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 average
life
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extension
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 of people 2000
years
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 ago was 26
years
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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only 31
years
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in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of the
eighteen
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eighteenth
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centuries
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century
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.
However
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, only after
invention
Add an article
the invention
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 of penicillin and blood transfusion by scientists, the
life
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extension
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doubled
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double
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 and now it is 72
years
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 old in developed countries.
Due to
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this
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, the
alternative
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medicine
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 does not show results
like
Replace the word
as
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 official does. In the same way, the
alternative
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 forms of
medicine
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 may be even dangerous. Some people trust for
fairy-tails
Correct your spelling
tales
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 of magic kind of healing and waste their valuable time
instead
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 of taking
the
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apply
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real
medicine
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 help. Especially, it closely relates to serious
disease
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diseases
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such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heart
attack
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attacks
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, cancer or dementia which can be solved by
the
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apply
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conventional
medicine
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 with a good possibility. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 nobody provides any examples that cancer can be healed by some grass.
Consequently
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, responsible prevention by
medicine
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 treatment can save a
life
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 and boost the
life
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extension
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 but
alternative
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medicine
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 can mislead people and
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 them to premature death.
To sum up
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, many individuals undeservedly believe in some miracle and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cheap
alternative
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 to official
medicine
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. Despite
on
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apply
show examples
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of healing can be ineffective and even harmful.

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task achievement
The essay presents an opinion and touches on both sides of the argument, which shows an attempt to provide a complete response. However, the depth of the argument and the elaboration of points is somewhat lacking, which makes the response feel incomplete in parts. It would be beneficial to develop ideas fully, ensuring each is followed by detailed explanation and evidence for a stronger task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is recognizably appropriate with an introduction and a conclusion; however, the development of ideas needs improvement. There are gaps in the logic and flow between ideas, which hinders coherence. Use linking words and phrases to better connect paragraphs and sentences, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by coherent arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Some of the main points lack clear support, such as the uncritical use of 'fairy-tails' and unspecific references to 'magic kind of healing.' It is important to provide relevant and specific examples to underpin your arguments; this could include citing studies, statistics, or expert opinions. Unsupported claims weaken the overall cohesion and persuasiveness of the essay.
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