IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

opinion essay, option A :- prepaid cards optionb :- contnue with new system

#option #cards #optionb #contnue #system
I strongly believe that using a prepaid card to consume electricity is more beneficial than the current system because it saves time and decreases power consumption. Many
Individual
Replace the word
Individuals
show examples
 these days are extremely busy in their daily life and frequently miss bills .
Instead
 of paying the invoiced amount in the current department introducing the recharged cards will help them pay the amount from the home in advance.
Additionally
, based on the monthly forecast one can set up their banking account to auto-recharge the card so that one might not miss the payments. In our city, the power consumption is drastically inclining
due to
 the increase in electric appliances .A plethora of individuals are unaware of
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 intake of their appliances
due to
 a lack of insights.Prepaid cards will provide a complete overview of their usage and limit unwanted usage
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Moreover
,
This
also
 indirectly contributes to clean energy . Based on the aforementioned reasoning , I still stand by my stance that Physical cards are
viable
Add an article
a viable
show examples
 option.Again,
this
 is my personal opinion I support the decision taken by the board
Submitted by vicky.kallem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay provides an opinion but the construction of arguments needs significant improvement. Ideas are somewhat connected but there are logical jumps which affect the clarity of the argumentation. Introduction and conclusion are present but they could be more comprehensive and clear.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but the response is not fully developed. The ideas presented are somewhat relevant but lack depth and require further explanation. More substantial examples that directly support the argument would enhance the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: