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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

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in some industries, many
people
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 try to work harder than others. In my opinion,
this
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 is because the world has become competitive, and many
people
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 want to be successful in their lives,
nevertheless
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, I believe that being a hard-working person is a good habit.
Firstly
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, the competition qualities nowadays
has
Change the verb form
have
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 become higher which makes the challenging between
people
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 more difficult. Because of
this
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, many
people
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 try to do their best to win these competitions.
For example
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, many employers who work at companies work harder than their co-workers which would give them the chance to get a promotion and provide them a higher salary.
Hence
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, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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kind of challenging
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them to win these competitions. Another reason is that many individuals seek to be successful
people
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 in their lives,
this
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 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happen
by
Change preposition
in
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 many ways.
However
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, working hard is the only common
way
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 which has an obvious effect.
For instance
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, some school or
universities
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university
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 students try to do their best in studying and exploit their knowledge to improve themselves.
Therefore
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, successful
people
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 have the opportunity to change their
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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 in a better
way
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, I consider that working hard is a good
way
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 to show the real person's abilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it is a good
way
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 for
people
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 who want to make their goals real. Working hard is a good habit which could
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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people
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 from regret if they
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
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do
Verb problem
achieve
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 the expected results. To illustrate, if someone had worked hard for an exam, but he or she did not
got
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get
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 the expected results, Working hard would not make him
regret
Correct pronoun usage
regret it
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, as I maintained before, working hard is a good
way
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 which can provide many benefits for
people
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, and it could change their
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your answer fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you provided a perspective on why some people work harder and whether it is a good thing, more depth and detail could improve completeness. Include a balanced discussion on whether hard work is always positive, considering potential negative aspects as well.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on clearer and more logical organization of ideas. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas effectively. Try to establish clear relationships between paragraphs and sentences within them. Avoid repetition of ideas and maintain a consistent flow throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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