IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

In the contemporary era, there are a variety of issues in urban living environments that people have to deal with. From my perspective, its main problem is
pollution
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, and I
a
Correct article usage
apply
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believe that
governments
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 should encourage their
citizens
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 to relocate to the country or rural
areas
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 by developing
infrastructure
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 and the real estate price competition. These days, the increase in
pollution
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 in urban
areas
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 has been a great cause for concern among townsfolk. There are two mentioned types of
pollution
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, including
noise
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pollution
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 and air
pollution
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it could be seen that
noise
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pollution
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 in any city stems mainly from building density.
This
Linking Words
 usually poses several risks in people’s daily lives, it is difficult to relax after a hectic day or get
into
Change preposition
to
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 sleep because of loud
noise
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 from construction all night.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the high volumes of traffic and large quantities of industrial activities usually cause toxic dunes and the degradation of air quality These could lead to several significant diseases for
residents
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such
Linking Words
 as lung cancers.
For example
Linking Words
, Hanoi ranked as the world’s fourth most air-polluted city because of its high population density which means the increase of personal vehicles results in traffic jams and harmful fine dust released into the atmosphere.
Therefore
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,
pollution
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, especially
noise
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pollution
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 and air
pollution
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contributes
Verb problem
has
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 a negative effect on urban
citizens
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 which could threaten their health. In my opinion,
governments
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 could take action to stimulate their
residents
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 to move to regional
areas
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
citizens
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 usually wish for their towns to have favourable conditions to settle down.
In particular
Linking Words
,
infrastructure
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 plays an important role in their lives
such
Linking Words
 as travelling to the workplace every day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
governments
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 should consider building fundamental
infrastructure
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 for many rural towns
such
Linking Words
 as roads, schools or hospitals.
This
Linking Words
 action would not only ensure the lives of
residents
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 but
also
Linking Words
 attract more urban
citizens
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many people are concerned about the high prices of the city’s real estate, it is valuable for
governments
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 to catch up to
this
Linking Words
 point for selling housing in regional
areas
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 with affordable prices. It reckons that these tactics that many
governments
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 could apply to encourage people to live in the countryside. In conclusion, living in several big cities could wrestle with many harmful issues, relating to health problems because of
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 should encourage their
residents
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 to relocate to rural towns by methods of improving
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 or reducing housing prices.

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer organization. Utilize clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea and ensure that subsequent sentences support that idea. This will greatly enhance the logical flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Adjust the introduction and conclusion to succinctly present the topic and summarize the main points. The introduction could be more engaging with a direct response to the question, while the conclusion should restate your position without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide a more in-depth discussion of the problems faced by residents of large cities, as well as a more comprehensive exploration of why governments should encourage relocation to smaller towns. This will help to fully address the task.
task achievement
Use concrete examples to support your points. While you mentioned air pollution in Hanoi, additional relevant examples would strengthen your argument and provide a clearer illustration of the issues.
task achievement
Enhance clarity by refining the language and sentence structure. Aim for precision and avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. This will help in expressing comprehensive ideas more effectively.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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