Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

First of all the number of people with
health
problems
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
trying alternative medicine and treatments with usual
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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are growing up, so try to look back for the what kind of
health
problems
they have
?
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.
show examples
If it’s
serious
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a serious
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health
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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don’t
trying
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try
show examples
to check up
to
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with
show examples
your usual
doctor
. And I think
its
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it's
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bad
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a bad
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plan and negative for serious
health
problems
patient
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patients
show examples
. But, why? Many people are death caused by kinds of
health
problems
, and in other
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
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perception
Add a comma
perception,
show examples
the
problems
are clear by
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
.
For example
; there’s a grandma
which
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who
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is have
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has
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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serious bone
problems
, but she’s
think
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thinks
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if I still can
walking
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walk
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that’s
mean
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means
show examples
I still healthy people so I just go to my usual
doctor
to take some
of
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apply
show examples
medicine,
it
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which
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can
makes
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make
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my body clear again.
This
is the wrong opinion for the patient who
don’t
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doesn’t
show examples
have
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the previlage
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previlage
Correct your spelling
privilege
to understand with
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
education. We
don’t
know if her
problem
solve
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is solved
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by
operation
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an operation
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or
something
Correct word choice
if something
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serious
prevent
Wrong verb form
is prevented
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from
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by
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specialist
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a specialist
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doctor
maybe
Rephrase
apply
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. The conclusion for
this
case
Add a verb
case is
case was
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actually simple, we should read or study a lot about
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. It can be dangerous if you think it would be a simple
problem
. Not all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
that
simple
Add a missing verb
are simple
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
us are really simple things. So if our family
are think
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are thinking
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about
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
, we must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
help
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
with the right step. I
don’t
said
Change the verb form
say
show examples
the usual
doctor
is the wrong way, no. I said we should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
know the
problem
first,
if it
really
Add a missing verb
is really
show examples
simple or our usual
doctor’s
Change the noun form
doctors
doctor
show examples
can
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
prevent
Correct pronoun usage
prevent it
show examples
, why not
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
But if it
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
serious
problem
we must bring the patient to
specialist
Correct article usage
a specialist
show examples
doctor’s
Change the noun form
doctors
doctor
show examples
too.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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coherence cohesion
The response lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential to structure the argument effectively. Ensure that the essay begins with an introduction stating the topic and your stance clearly, followed by body paragraphs that support your opinion, and it ends with a clear conclusion summarizing the main points without introducing new information. This will improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay struggles with logical sequence and idea progression. Ideas are presented in a haphazard fashion without clear transitions and logical connectors. Utilize phrases that indicate agreement, contrast, cause, effect and sequence to guide the reader through your thoughts more clearly. This will greatly enhance the cohesion and flow of your essay.
task achievement
The ideas are underdeveloped and lack supporting details. Each paragraph should center on one main idea and be developed with reasons, examples, and explanations. Avoid making general statements without demonstrating how they support your argument. Strive to provide clear, relevant, and specific examples that substantiate your points.
task achievement
There is an overall failure to adequately respond to the task. The prompt asks for an opinion on whether the move towards alternative medicine is a positive or negative development. Your response should focus on answering this question directly and clearly. Provide a balanced consideration of the topic or clearly explain your point of view with sufficient detail. Ensure you do not go off-topic and that each point made is relevant to the question at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
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