In many countries the number of visitors to art galleries has been steadily declining. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to improve the situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of visitors to
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
has decreased. many problems and factors, but I try to explain five problems and factors.
First,
Linking Words
in the era of
millennials
Add a comma
millennials,
show examples
people have more choices about
show
Correct your spelling
how
show examples
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
from digitalization and online access
this
Linking Words
caused the rise of digital platforms, and online access to
art
Use synonyms
has reduced the perceived need to visit physical
galleries
Use synonyms
. The second
problem
Use synonyms
is changing cultural trends,
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
is shifts in cultural interests and preferences may lead people to engage with
art
Use synonyms
in different ways. The third
problem
Use synonyms
and factor is the lack of diversity and inclusivity, some
galleries
Use synonyms
may not represent a diverse range of artists, styles, or cultural perspectives, alienating potential visitors.
And fourth
Correct word choice
Fourth
show examples
the
problem
Use synonyms
and factor is high costs and accessibility, entrance fees which are very expensive to look show
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
, and other associated costs that can deter people from visiting
galleries
Use synonyms
. And
finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
and factor is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited engagement and interactivity the specific is traditional
galleries
Use synonyms
may lack interactive elements, making the experience less engaging, especially for younger audiences. The strategies to improve the situation about the increase of visitors to
galleries
Use synonyms
art
Use synonyms
is same like that improve community engagement, like that foster a sense of community by collaborating with local schools, community centers, and businesses. Offer workshops, lectures, and events to engage a broader audience. and more strategies to improve
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
educational programs, same like programs targeting school-specific
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning about
art
Use synonyms
and
then
Linking Words
knowledge about
art
Use synonyms
from students and
then
Linking Words
improve
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
with other cultural institutions, businesses, and local governments to create joint events, sponsorships, or thematic exhibitions that appeal to a broader audience.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Art
Use synonyms
is very important for life, because
art
Use synonyms
has a story about history, human life, and culture.
Art
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
provides a lot of memories that we can't go back to in the past, but with
this
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
, we can see stories from the past so we learn a lot from those stories.
Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for structuring an IELTS essay effectively. Consider stating the topic, summarizing the main issues, and then clearly delineating an introduction and conclusion to encapsulate your argument.
Supported Main Points
The main points discussed in the essay were supported to an extent but lacked depth and detailed explanation. In the IELTS exam, it's important to fully develop your main points with specific anecdotes or data.
Logical Structure
The coherence and cohesion of the essay were compromised by the absence of clear logical progression. Ideas could be better connected with transitional phrases, logically sequenced arguments, and topic sentences that introduce the paragraphs.
Complete Response
The essay's task response was minimal due to a lack of elaboration on ideas. For a higher score, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in depth, develop each point fully, and stay focused on the prompt throughout the essay.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
The ideas presented were somewhat clear, but their explanation and comprehensiveness need improvement. Some parts of the essay felt rushed or under-explained. Make sure to spell out your reasoning fully and ensure the reader isn't left with unanswered questions.
Relevant Specific Examples
Relevant examples were scarce and lacked specificity in this essay. To enhance your score in this criterion, make sure to include detailed examples that directly relate to the point you're making, illustrating your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: