IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbors
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Nowadays, modern
people
 are facing apathetic attitudes in society. There are many reasons that the majority of residents in a vibrant city tend to not know their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. For that reason, the
government
 should be making some viable solutions in order to reduce
this
 problem.
Firstly
, living in motivational technology makes
people
 who have busy lives. They always go to work early and go back late.
Besides
, they have to maintain
their
Change the pronoun
the
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 social relationships
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 make them not have enough time to interact with their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
For example
, after working, most
people
 often keep in touch with their relatives through social media. Sometimes, they have to spend a long time sitting in front of a screen to complete their deadline.
Secondly
,
people
 living at the pace of life tend to scare brothers. They are so busy with their jobs.
Hence
, they want to spend their remaining time in order to balance their life and work.
For example
, on the weekend, they can have family gatherings where they play together.
However
, they do not know someone who can support them in an emergency. For that reason, the
government
 should have some possible solutions to reduce
this
 problem. They can run public awareness campaigns. residents’ cities do not have opportunities to interact with
people
.
Thus
, the
government
 should hold a physical outdoors in order to encourage all
people
 to attend their campaign.
For instance
, they can hold the marathon championship on the weekend.
Furthermore
, inhabitants should increase their awareness about the negative impacts of apathetic attitudes in society. For that, they can incentivize their children to interact with
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
For example
, they encourage their children to go to their
neighbor's
Change the spelling
neighbour's
show examples
 home to play. There are some drawbacks when many
people
 do not know their
neighbor
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbors
show examples
. so the
government
 has to be in charge of increasing public awareness about negative impacts. From that, they have some viable solutions to reduce
this
 problem.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a basic structure but lacks clarity in its progression of ideas. Avoid overly general statements and strive to create a more logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitions should be used effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and provided some relevant examples, but the task could be achieved more effectively. Try to fully develop your ideas and directly answer the question in a more detailed manner. Use more specific examples to support your points and make sure that your conclusion summarizes the main ideas and relates them to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community engagement
  • social isolation
  • neighborhood watch
  • local initiatives
  • virtual interaction
  • privacy concerns
  • resident mobility
  • technological advancements
  • social media influence
  • work-life balance
  • busy personal schedules
  • community events
  • local residents
  • social interaction
  • community ties
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