There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that
todays
generation Change to a genitive case
today's
receive
a bunch of Correct subject-verb agreement
receives
pressure
to be successful on
their Change preposition
in
academic
. I completely agree Fix the agreement mistake
academics
on
Change preposition
with
this
statement and believe that the
youngsters deserve a better way of Correct article usage
apply
study
. Because of the Wrong verb form
studying
pressure
, some people arguing
that Wrong verb form
argue
besides
academic Change preposition
apply
subject
Change the noun form
subjects
such
as cookery or physical education should be displaced from syllabus
to more focus on Correct article usage
the syllabus
the
academic work. And i Correct article usage
apply
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
on
that view.
First and foremost, the existence of school is to provide academic Change preposition
with
subject
which Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
parent
available to teach at home. As the basic principle, Fix the agreement mistake
parents
academic
Add an article
the academic
an academic
lesson
should be available Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
equal
for every Change the word
equally
student
and they have to bite a bullet with the consequences in todays
open world era. because of that people from Change to a genitive case
today's
remote
Add an article
the remote
a remote
area
may know the capacity of Fix the agreement mistake
areas
student
in the best urban area, and by that comparison, it comes with Fix the agreement mistake
students
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
to
the Change preposition
on
student
.
On the other hand
, people might argue that learning non-academic lessons is not beneficial for students. And those assumptions are based on the thought that the best way to have a successful life is to do well in academic lessons such
as mathematics, physics and science. Thus
, it is widely believed that eliminating the non-academic subjects such
as sports, culinary and art will give the students more time to focus on those science subjects by doing experiments and reading pieces of literature and have more opportunities to thrive in those subjects academically.
In conclusion, the pressure
in today
world is real, we should not avoid that or Change noun form
today's
left
that behind. The option of removing the non-academic Wrong verb form
leave
subject
is a decent option because student
can choose what Fix the agreement mistake
students
subject
they one outside the academic subject
, and the syllabus doesn't have to provide a very divers
activity.Correct your spelling
diverse
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advice
Your essay indicates a clear response to the topic and a stance is taken. However, there are certain areas that need improvement:
1. **Logical Structure**: While your essay is structured into paragraphs, the flow of ideas needs to be smoother. Use more transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs.
2. **Support for Main Points**: Your points should be supported with relevant and specific examples. For example, when mentioning the pressures on students, citing specific statistics or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument.
3. **Grammatical Accuracy**: There are several grammatical inaccuracies. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, "Because of the pressure, some people are arguing..." instead of "Because of the pressure, some people arguing...".
4. **Punctuation and Capitalization**: Ensure correct punctuation and capitalization throughout your essay. For instance, "i am strongly agree" should be "I strongly agree".
advice
Consider organizing your essay in a way that gives equal weight to both sides of the argument, even if you disagree with one side. This will show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
positive
Your introduction sets the stage by clearly stating your stance on the issue. This makes it easy to understand your perspective right from the start.
positive
The essay addresses a relevant issue that is contemporary and relatable to many readers, making it engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.