IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
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Team
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 sport helps the
children
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 to participate in
group
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 activities and it helps to communicate with each other at
school
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. The best way to teach
children
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 to cooperate with
others
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 is through
team
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sports
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. The both agree or disagree concept helps to identify whether it creates an impact or not in their
future
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. Co-operating with
others
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 will help us to find new people around society and it helps the
children
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 to build up new confidence levels in their mind and it reduces the risk or burden
while
Linking Words
 playing a
team
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 sport during the matches and they get support from their coach,
this
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 helps them to gel with other during practice matches.
For example
Linking Words
, a new student was joining a
sports
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 club in their
school
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 and except other players had already become close with each other so, the newbie wants to start a conversation with the remaining people else he can't gel with them and no one can understand him
while
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 he was playing in a match and
this
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 will affect the
team
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 and the students
future
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. The
children
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 have to play together to prove themselves not only that some
children
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 multi-talented from birth and are capable of participating in
group
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 activities but, they
also
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 like individual games because that kind of
children
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 want to show their skills to
others
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 by participating in individual games. For
group
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sports
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 in
school
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, the multi-talented
children
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 think it is a waste of time and I can't show my talent to
others
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 like
this
Linking Words
 their mentality will go that the
school
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 needs to allow that kind of
children
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 in individual
sports
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 and will not affect the
future
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 of that child. In conclusion,
team
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sports
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 at
school
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 and an individual sport at
school
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 can have a different impact on their
future
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 but
group
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 activity is best because it helps the
children
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 to get knowledge about
others
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 and the true nature of
this
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 world but in individual
sports
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, they can't get any knowledge about
this
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 world.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well, but try to clearly state your position (agree or disagree) at the beginning. This helps the reader know your stance, and keeps the essay focused.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Your paragraphs sometimes mix multiple points, which can confuse the reader. Aim for one clear point per paragraph supported by related sentences.
task achievement
While you use some relevant examples, make sure to explain them clearly and connect them back to your main argument. For example, it would be helpful to expand on how team sports specifically develop cooperation skills versus individual sports.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through your points. For example, use words like 'However,' 'In addition,' or 'As a result.'
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes well, but reiterate your stance more clearly and ensure all parts of the essay leading to it are cohesive and aligned with your argument.
task achievement
You clearly identify the importance of cooperation and the potential benefits of team sports in teaching this skill.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
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