In some countries ordinary citizens are allowed to keep a gun in their house. Some people think this is a good idea, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, there has been a high rate of crime in big cities. In some nations, individuals are allowed to own a
handgun
on their property. Many community suggest Use synonyms
this
is a good idea, Linking Words
while
others disagree. Both of these viewpoints will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.
Linking Words
To begin
with, I totally agree with Linking Words
this
viewpoint and suggest that owning a pistol can Linking Words
also
bring many benefits. The most important thing about having a Linking Words
handgun
is self-defence. Use synonyms
For example
, many populations who keep a Linking Words
handgun
in their accommodations can protect themselves from crime. Use synonyms
Secondly
, the urban area has a more dangerous environment. Many communities are more at risk of staying in big cities. Linking Words
Furthermore
, some society who own guns feel comfortable when they live at home. They can protect themselves and someone they love.
Linking Words
However
, some community suggest that having a revolver can lead to violence. Linking Words
For instance
, if some people have a gun, it has the potential for misuse. Linking Words
In addition
, it increases the number of accidental deaths caused by guns Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
firearm
owners can escalate conflicts and be dangerous to others. Use synonyms
Lastly
, owning a Linking Words
firearm
can increase expenditures Use synonyms
such
as trainer costs and equipment for the Linking Words
handgun
.
In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to keeping a Use synonyms
firearm
on property. The main feature is personal protection. Use synonyms
However
, owning a Linking Words
handgun
can increase the gun-related death rate. Use synonyms
Besides
Linking Words
this
, the government should release law enforcement for having a Linking Words
firearm
to protect other people who are non-gun owners.Use synonyms
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear position throughout the response. Your essay should also include a balanced discussion of both views, and avoid taking a unilateral stance early on as this has affected the clarity and neutrality expected in the discussion.
Task Achievement
Maintain a neutral and objective tone throughout the essay. Avoid using informal language or colloquial expressions that could compromise the formality of the essay and affect your score in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure needs improvement. It is good that an introduction and conclusion are present, but the main points could be better developed. Each main point should be presented in a separate paragraph with sufficient support. Ensure that each paragraph is well-organized and the main idea is clear from the first sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion
More varied and complex sentence structures, as well as transitional phrases, should be used to improve the logical flow of ideas. This will help your essay to achieve higher coherence and cohesion. Ensure you also check for repetition or redundancy, which can detract from the overall cohesion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?