IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The quality of the health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#quality #health #care #person #size #bank #balance #government #level #healthcare #citizens
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Some people argue that the quality of
healthcare
Use synonyms
 someone receives should be decided by their bank balance. It is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 to pay
Change preposition
for high
show examples
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for all of its
citizens
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is a basic need of every
citizen
Use synonyms
, and it is expensive.
Healthcare
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facilities
Use synonyms
 should be funded by the
government
Use synonyms
 because it is one of the basic needs of every
citizen
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. Everyone deserves proper
healthcare
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facilities
Use synonyms
 to maintain their well-being
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and live a healthy and happy life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 to ensure affordable and high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
healthcare
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facilities
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 for each
citizen
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh,
healthcare
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 services are free for each Bangladeshi
citizen
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 regardless of their economic status because the
government
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 consider it as their
responsibility
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
healthcare
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facilities
Use synonyms
 are expensive. All the public of a country cannot afford it.
Citizens
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 will suffer from
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
 of money if they have to pay for their own
healthcare
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 services.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should take financial
responsibility
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 for the
healthcare
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 system of a country.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, its
citizens
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 cannot afford their
healthcare
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 services, and it will deteriorate their health.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Ghana, the
government
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 does not bear the
healthcare
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facilities
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 for its
citizens
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, and
therefore
Linking Words
, the general public
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 from numerous diseases. In conclusion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint that the
government
Use synonyms
 should take
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system because it is one of the basic needs of each
citizen
Use synonyms
, and it is expensive.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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language
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
support
While examples are provided, you could further develop them to illustrate your points more vividly.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with clear transition phrases or linking words.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the writer's position and sets up the argument effectively.
task response
The essay addresses the task effectively by supporting the main argument with relevant examples and reasoning.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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