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Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a postive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #postive #situation
For some
people
, possessing a
house
 is crucial rather than renting one. One of the main reasons is
people
 see
this
 ownership as a symbol of wealth and I think
this
 is a negative
situation
 because
people
 become less happy
as a result
 of mortgage
loans
. Among
people
, belongings are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an indicator of financial status. With
this
 point of view,
people
 with their own
house
 are seen as rich or have a high-paying job and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 doing very well financially.
For instance
, in China, women’s first criterion who wants to
marrying
Change the verb form
marry
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man
Add an article
a man
show examples
 is to have a
house
 because they believe that they can provide a comfortable family life without thinking about any money issues.
However
,
this
situation
 can be negative because it creates competition.
People
 who want to
seen
Add a missing verb
be seen
show examples
 as wealthy
then
 take mortgage
loans
 just to prove themselves. In the long run, these
loans
 create a long path ending up with being unhappy. You may waste your life just to pay off these
loans
 and not be able to allocate a budget for any other activities. A couple whom I had known for a long time ended up getting divorced because of
this
 problem. Women insisted on buying a
house
 with the income from the wedding without considering their budget. Their whole five-year marriage went with paying off debt and the uneasiness of the
situation
 which led them to their inevitable end. In conclusion, the main reason why ownership is important in some countries is its perceived good financial status yet it may lead to being unhappy and create a negative
situation
 for
people
.
Submitted by asik.melliss on

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coherence cohesion
The essay requires significant improvements in coherence and cohesion. The structure lacks clear transitions and cohesive devices, which makes the flow of ideas difficult to follow. Introduction and conclusion are present, but they offer minimal context and synthesis, respectively. The main points are present, but their support is weak. Using a variety of connecting words and clearly distinguishing between paragraphs with topic sentences and concluding sentences would increase clarity.
task achievement
The response touches on the task, but it fails to develop a full answer. More comprehensive ideas and in-depth analysis should be added to satisfy the prompt's requirements. Resistance to generalizations and inclusion of balanced views, alongside a wider range of specific examples or evidence would enhance the response immensely. Additionally, the comparison between the implications of ownership versus renting could be explored further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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