IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

There are serious concerns about the sale and production of genetically modified food. Yet this is necessary if we are to meet the demands often increasing world population. Give your opinions on this.

#concerns #sale #production #food #demands #world #population
As the
world
 population rises, it is becoming more evident that unless we find ways of producing more
food
, we could be faced with a serious
food
 crisis. It is often claimed that the only
solution
 to
this
 crisis is through genetically- modified
food
. Yet, in my opinion, there is no justification for developing farming methods that could harm human
health
 and the environment. Scientists may be convinced that
GM
foods
 provide a quick
solution
 to feeding the
world
's population. Through science, plants can be made to grow faster and a wider variety of crops can
also
 be created.
Although
this
 means more
food
 is being produced, the quality of
this
food
 could ultimately be detrimental to human
health
 because of the unknown, long-term risks of genetic modification. In my view,
this
 is one of the major reasons more people are buying organic
food
. Surely scientific progress should not disregard the long-term effects
GM
foods
 could have on
health
.
However
, it is
also
 important to consider the issue of producing enough
food
, both at a local and global level. Many parts of the
world
,
such
 as Africa, continue to experience famine and starvation.
Therefore
, there could be a case for saying that
GM
foods
 may help to reduce
this
food
 shortage. Certainly, in many parts of the
world
, people are forced to rely on international aid for
food
. Yet, I would argue that
GM
foods
 are not the
solution
.
This
 is something that needs to be tackled in the political arena and governments may have to put more money into alternative ways of producing
foods
. In conclusion,
while
 we need to meet the demands of an increasing
world
 population,
GM
foods
 are not the
solution
. I am certain that unless governments look at alternative methods of
food
 production, the harmful
health
 and environmental effects caused by
GM
foods
 may prove irreversible.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear and unique idea to support your overall argument. Your essay does a good job at this, but refining and further distinguishing each point can enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. While your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, leveraging more detailed examples could provide stronger support for your claims.
Task Achievement
Consider exploring the implications of the alternatives you suggest to genetically modified foods. Offering a brief discussion on potential solutions would provide a more rounded perspective on addressing the food crisis.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, providing a clear stance and summary of your argument. This enhances the overall coherence and logic of your writing.
Logical Structure
Your use of clear and logical paragraphing effectively guides the reader through your argument, enhancing the coherence of your essay.
Comprehensive Ideas
Your essay presents a clear, comprehensive discussion on the given topic, demonstrating a good understanding and critical examination of the issues surrounding genetically modified foods.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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