IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Ins some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays in many countries,
people
Use synonyms
 have been putting their interest
to find
Change preposition
into finding
show examples
 out the
history
Use synonyms
 of the place where they live. A bad
history
Use synonyms
 and
house
Use synonyms
 prices in the future might be reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 have been curious about
this
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can find the
information
Use synonyms
 easily by using web search machines or asking local
people
Use synonyms
 there.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are some beliefs that the bad
history
Use synonyms
 of the
house
Use synonyms
 can give bad luck in life. Some
people
Use synonyms
 would do research on their flat
history
Use synonyms
 just to ensure that there was not a bad
history
Use synonyms
 that happened in the past. The other reason is some
people
Use synonyms
 need to know
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the inflation rate of their living place in the future. A
house
Use synonyms
 can be worth investing
if
Change preposition
in if
show examples
 its price grows
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the next years that’s why
people
Use synonyms
 are curious about it.
For example
Linking Words
, many workers have purchased a home around
Jakarta
Use synonyms
 as it was known that
house
Use synonyms
 prices in
Jakarta
Use synonyms
 have been skyrocketing since the 90s until now from the news on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Google. With the development of technology,
people
Use synonyms
 become easier to gather the
information
Use synonyms
 they need using the internet. There are a lot of online platforms that provide details of the
house
Use synonyms
history
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Wikipedia and Homefindings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, asking local
people
Use synonyms
 who had lived for long years could be another option to collate the
information
Use synonyms
. Those
people
Use synonyms
 can tell the
history
Use synonyms
 of the area that they lived in more completely and in detail.
For instance
Linking Words
, Betawi
people
Use synonyms
 are more familiar with the
Jakarta
Use synonyms
 area compared to migrating
people
Use synonyms
 as they are the indigenous tribe in
Jakarta
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are some factors that drive
people
Use synonyms
 to know about their flat
history
Use synonyms
. A horror story that usually happens and the predicted price of buildings are two driving forces. In order to get the
information
Use synonyms
, they can either use their desktop to find the data or visit the local
people
Use synonyms
 in the region.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents an introductory paragraph and a conclusion, but both require clearer and more developed statements. The introduction should provide a stronger preview of the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion needs a concise summary of the key arguments made throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some logical sequencing but lacks clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, causing a muddled progression of ideas. Improved signposting and transition phrases would enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but not adequately developed or supported with detailed explanations. To achieve higher scores, ensure each main point is expanded upon with further analysis and examples.
task achievement
The response to the task is partial, as the essay does not thoroughly address the 'how' aspect of the question. More focus and development on the methods of researching house history is necessary for a fully complete response.
task achievement
Ideas are relevant but at times presented without clear development or comprehensive thought. Use each paragraph to fully explore a single main idea, rather than presenting multiple underdeveloped points.
task achievement
While specific examples are included, they are not always used effectively to support the main points. Examples should be directly linked to the argument being made within the paragraph for maximum impact.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: