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Band 4.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities. Others say that it depends on other factors. What is your opinion?

#people #success #universities #factors
There are tremendously controversial perspectives heating a debate
how
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on how
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 to get high achievement.
While
 some hold a strong view that the sole method to gain accomplishment is to get access to the college, the opposite makes a statement that there are alternative elements.
While
 each has its own merit feature, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, going to the academy
bring
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has
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 an enormous impact on personal’s
successful
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success
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.
Because of
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By
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 getting to the university, students are able to establish
knowledge
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a knowledge
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 foundation
through
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by
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 digesting insights.
Therefore
, they will be well-prepared for their future line of
career
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careers
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. Nowadays, degrees are becoming one of the criteria to be employed.
For instance
,
Google
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for Google
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 or Facebook, which is a leading company in the finance sector,
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apply
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thus
,
bachelor's
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a bachelor's
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 degree is a prerequisite in order to work
an
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as an
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 employee. From my perspective, institutions play a paramount integral role in an individual’s success.
While
 the redeeming features of getting access to university are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of other factors are ignored. With a view to being fruitful in life, a set of interpersonal skills is of significance. Communication skills can be cited as an outstanding example. if budding job-holders hone
this
 skill to the mastery, they can express precisely their idea without avoiding
about
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apply
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undesirable misunderstandings and tense conflicts among colleagues or upper managers.
Besides
 schooling, other elements play a paramount pivotal part in a person’s
successful
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success
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. In sum
up
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apply
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, going to
the
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apply
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college and other factors are a good method to obtain achievement. I believe that it is ideal to combine both mentioned elements.
Submitted by thvana236 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, but there are issues with sentence structure, word choice, and overall coherence that suggest the need for significant improvement. It is important to work on creating a logical flow between ideas and ensuring that your introduction and conclusion are clear and fully developed.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to cover the topic, the ideas are not very clear or comprehensive. The argument could be strengthened by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Also, make sure to follow the prompt closely and develop a balanced argument, discussing both views and clearly stating your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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