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Band 4.5

2.Do you see any barriers that you may need to overcome to reach this goal?

#barriers
The MSc in Finance at Imperial College is well-positioned to address some barriers and prepare me for being successful.It is crucial to acknowledge and overcome some barriers in order to succeed. One notable challenge is the high competition in the investment banking industry. An increasing number of people are opting to work in jobs related to investment banking, so it is important to stand out and differentiate from others not only academically but
also
 extracurricular.
Furthermore
, the rapid evolution in the industry. Nowadays, the use of technology is essential in
this
 area, with the rapid technological advances, it is important the continuously adapt to these changes, with continuous improvement of my skills, so I can remain relevant and competitive in the field.
Moreover
, I need to expand my knowledge of quantitative research methods and different programming methods used for industry,
such
 as the analysis of problems and future provisions. I had many courses related to
this
 area, but I lack experience in putting these methods into practice in the real world.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your argument effectively. While you presented some challenges, the conclusion should summarise these points and possibly suggest how you may address them.
Logical Structure
In terms of logical structure, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is directly connected to the overall topic. The essay jumps from competition, to technology without clear transitions.
Supporting Examples
When providing examples, strive to include a few detailed and specific case studies or personal experiences that demonstrate the points made. Generic statements should be supported by specific details.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, it's important to address all parts of the prompt fully. The essay addresses some barriers but doesn't elaborate on concrete strategies for overcoming these barriers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphing judiciously to enhance coherence. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Transitions between points can also be strengthened by using a variety of linking words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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