IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Introduction
There is a view that looking after
children
Use synonyms
 plays an indispensable role in the development of society.
Thus
Linking Words
, many advocates argue that parenting programmes should be compulsory. I,
however
Linking Words
, believe these courses should not be mandatory but
instead
Linking Words
 voluntary, as many
parents
Use synonyms
 have already experienced gains beforehand.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, there are convincing arguments in favour of following established classes. Indeed, the government stimulates those lessons organised by professional specialists – particularly psychologists, doctors, and therapists – thereby ensuring high-quality seminars for
parents
Use synonyms
 in terms of any possible cases.
For example
Linking Words
. During the period of maturing, many
children
Use synonyms
 may encounter sickness, stress, or overwhelming occurrences caused by social life,
such
Linking Words
 as exams or bullying. These aforementioned situations should be rectified by
parents
Use synonyms
, who possess solid experience and are able to smoothly connect with their
children
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, proponents of the latter conception contend that
parents
Use synonyms
 do not need programmes, as they consider them time- and money-consuming. In many extended families, siblings grow up looking after each other, nurturing their caregiving abilities alongside.
This
Linking Words
 implies that the majority of
parents
Use synonyms
 have knowledge of healthcare and overcoming social issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those so-called courses may be neither practical nor sufficient.
Body paragraph 3
In my view, initiatives should not follow a one-size-fits-all approach but rather be appropriate in some cases. Meaning that pursuing parental classes should be optional, as many
parents
Use synonyms
 are already aware of looking after their
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 agree that the government should encourage new
parents
Use synonyms
, who are not yet mature, in supervising their
children
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 obligatory courses maintain undeniable arguments, it is apparent that they should not be mandatory for all
parents
Use synonyms
;
instead
Linking Words
, urge non-experienced ones to take them.

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task response
Make your main view more direct: say clearly that you disagree with making courses a must for every parent, but support free or low-cost help for new parents.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. In the first body paragraph, show why classes can help parents. In the second, explain why past care of younger family members may not be enough for a new baby.
task response
Use one clear, real-like example. For example, a new parent may learn how to act when a child has a high fever, while an older parent may not need a full course.
task response
Avoid claims that are too broad, such as saying most parents know about health care. Some parents may have no past care experience.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear plan: introduction with your view; one paragraph for the other side; two paragraphs for your own reasons; then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. After saying courses can help with stress or bullying, explain that this is a reason some parents should take them, not proof that all parents already have the needed skills.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care: 'However', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In contrast'. Do not use a full stop after 'For example' when more words should follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last line more clear. Instead of 'urge non-experienced ones', write that the state should strongly ask or help new parents to take a course.
task response
You give a clear overall view: courses should be a choice rather than a rule for every parent.
task response
You discuss both sides of the question and suggest extra help for new parents.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are mostly ordered in a sensible way, with the other view first and your own view later.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Mandatory courses
  • Nutrition
  • Discipline strategies
  • Effective communication
  • Government regulations
  • Voluntary workshops
  • Community support
  • Cultural backgrounds
  • Personal beliefs
  • Emotionally stable
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