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Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiment. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiment #alternatives
There is an old and endless discussion about animal experiments that divides opinions among the population. Whilst some people argue that it is not necessary, others still believe
that is
 crucial for scientific discoveries.
However
, I don’t agree that testing in
animals
 is justified and I believe there are alternatives to
this
. One popular example of the use of animal experimentation is the cosmetics industry. To test whether a cosmetic is safe
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumers, they use
animals
 as the primary testers.
This
 kind of test causes a lot of suffering to the
animals
, which live in a cage until the day they die suffering
with
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from
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inimaginable
Correct your spelling
unimaginable
 pain. , these experiments are not justified and there are even industries that have never tested
in
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on
show examples
animals
. Healthcare manufacturing is another example of animal experimentation.
It is clear that
 animal tests had a crucial role not only in the development of the new drugs
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 in the evolution of it. Rare and chronic diseases
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 benefited and many people live better today because of those drugs.
For instance
, we can cite the discovery of the industrialised insulin which was tested in rabbits in order to treat a severe chronic disease called diabetes.
Although
this
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these
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 tests have importance in the process of new drugs, with the advance of
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
,it is not necessary to be done in
this
 way anymore. The industries now have a wide range of resources that can be used in order to test and make their products safe
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the population.
For example
, the use of data science and biomedicine. In conclusion, industries
such
 as
comestics
Correct your spelling
cosmetics
 and healthcare are used to testing their new products in
animals
, but with the new technologies we have nowadays,
this
 is not justified.
Submitted by cristina.gpereira on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks cohesion in some instances where ideas could be more effectively organized and linked. Aim to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices to ensure a tighter argumentative structure.
task achievement
Your introduction does not adequately paraphrase the task and fails to clearly present your position on the topic. The conclusion should also succinctly summarise your main points and restate your opinion. Focus on creating a balanced argument in your body paragraphs, presenting both sides of the issue before stating your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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