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Band 5.5

In the modern world¬, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world¬ #animals #food #products #medicines
In recent times, the use of livestock as a source of meat , in pharmaceutical industries, or even as clothes to cover our nakedness is not essential . I disagree with
this
 statement because many essential nutrients are present in animal-based diets and they are more readily available. It is difficult to maintain a balanced diet or to meet all of one's health requirements without the addition of some animal-based foods. An important source of two major food classes- protein and fat is meat. It is
also
 of
ut-most
Correct your spelling
utmost
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 importance in maintaining and building muscle mass, most importantly, it is responsible for the translational processes, that
sustains
Correct subject-verb agreement
sustain
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 life in the various cells of our body.
Thus
 preventing death.
For example
, Omega 3 FA which helps in treating skin conditions, improving hair growth and even in the reduction of bad cholesterol and the many illnesses that come with it, can be gotten from fish. Compared to any other raw materials, animals are more readily available. With the level of reproduction that goes on in most farms and even around us, it is quite sustainable in the manufacture of various products without facing the constant challenge of supply. To illustrate, the use of cotton in the production of clothes means our fabrics can decrease in supply even with a rise in demand if beetles attack a cotton farm.
However
, the death of one sheep does not automatically mean the shortage of wool. In conclusion, the importance of animals is not archaic because their supply is more guaranteed and their inclusion in diets help humans live
a
Correct article usage
apply
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healthier and longer life.
Submitted by annodunowo on

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure you fully address all parts of the question. Your essay should cover both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion. Providing clear reasons for your position and more detailed examples to support your points would strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, make use of a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Also, be mindful of paragraph structure. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with sentences that logically follow one another.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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