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Band 6

Human activity has had a negative impact on planet and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#activity #impact #planet #animals #world #people #actions #change
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the contemporary world, activities performed by human has contributed to a bad influence on the earth
as well as
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animals
Use synonyms
 around the globe.
Due to
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this
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, a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 out there hold the perception that
this
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 practice can not be curbed,
by contrast
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, other individuals
also
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 share the sentiment that
this
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 phenomenon can be controlled.
This
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 essay shall totally endorse the latter view,
however
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, the two opposing ideas will be brought to bear in the following paragraphs after which a logical conclusion will be drawn. On one hand, there are a myriad of ways
this
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 situation can be halted but one which is worth mentioning is enacting law.To explain
this
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 scenario, if the governments of various nations provide strict rules concerning
this
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 situation, it puts fear in the general public
as a result
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 depriving them of
such
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 habits.
For instance
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, a plethora of folk in Ghana used to practise deforestation which had a negative effect on various
animals
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.
Moreover
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, Ghanaian citizens used to have non-authorized industries which used to generate an unmeasurable amount of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere which
subsequently
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 led to the greenhouse effect.
Nonetheless
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, after the Environmental Protection Agency provided rules and regulations,
this
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 habit has been stopped.
Hence
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 it is not of doubt that
this
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 argument has a lot of supporters because it can be regulated.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of reasons
this
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 trend can be difficult to manage because some
people
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 depend on it for survival
as well as
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 accommodation. To explicate,
due to
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 economic hardship, a significant number of
people
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 cut down trees and
sell
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
 them to various industries to provide for their basic needs.
In addition
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, others use trees
such
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 as timber to construct houses.
Although
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this
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 process causes harm not only to some creatures but
also
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 to the earth,
however
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,
this
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 trend can be arduous to control as a lot of
people
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 depend on it for a livelihood .
For example
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, the Environmental Protection Agency in Africa conducted research and figured out that seventy per cent of Africa's forests are at risk because of deforestation which
subsequently
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 affects
animals
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as well as
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 other creatures. It is in the light of
this
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 that
this
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 phenomenon is a justifiable course of action. In conclusion, after analyzing the two contradictory views, I totally agree that damaging the earth
as well as
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 other creatures can be managed.
Nevertheless
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, I recommend that the Environmental Protection Agency of various nations should educate their citizens on the need to protect the environment and other
animals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mboadi211 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides examples; however, greater thought could be given to ensuring a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively restates your position, but the introduction could more clearly paraphrase the task statement and present a thesis that outlines the forthcoming discussion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical flow to your essay, but you should pay more attention to paragraphing. Each main body paragraph should focus on a single idea, following a clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Transitional phrases are used, but they could be varied and more sophisticated to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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