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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the total percentage of films and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in UAE. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make the comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the total percentage of films and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in UAE. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make the comparisons where relevant
#percentage #films #ticket #sales #uae #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts depict the percentage
whichis
Correct your spelling
which is
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
releasing
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
films
Use synonyms
 and how
sales
Use synonyms
 of
tickets
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the United
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United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Ara
Correct your spelling
Arab
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 Emirates from1996
Change preposition
from
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 four
catergories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of
fils
Correct your spelling
films
show examples
 were released
remarkebly
Correct your spelling
remarkably
remarkable
 in 1996 and 2000.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
tickets
Change the noun form
ticket
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comedy
films
Use synonyms
. In 1996 and 2000, most of the
films
Use synonyms
released
Add a missing verb
were released
show examples
 in Drama which is about a quarter and more than a third respectively.
However
Linking Words
, their
tickets
Use synonyms
 were not issued significantly.
Both
Change preposition
In both
show examples
 2
years
Use synonyms
 it shows more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the fantasy
films
Use synonyms
 released between 10% to more than 15% but, their ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 not
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 10% in both
years
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 the Romance
films
Use synonyms
 launched remaining the same
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 which is 5% in 1996 and 2000
in addition
Linking Words
 to that, their ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 less than 5%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, comedy
films
Use synonyms
 were the best
Use synonyms
tickets
Change the noun form
ticket
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 compared with other
films
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 about more than 20% in both
years
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the bar charts revealed Drama in 1996 and 2000.
Although
Linking Words
, the Comedy
films
Use synonyms
 are the most famous and the best ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 around these 2
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dinupremarathna on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words films, sales, tickets, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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