IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the total percentage of films and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in UAE. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make the comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the total percentage of films and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in UAE. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make the comparisons where relevant
#percentage #films #ticket #sales #uae #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts depict the percentage
whichis
Correct your spelling
which is
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
releasing
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
films
 and how
sales
 of
tickets
 in
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Ara
Correct your spelling
Arab
show examples
 Emirates from1996
Change preposition
from
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000.
Overall
,
while
 four
catergories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of
fils
Correct your spelling
films
show examples
 were released
remarkebly
Correct your spelling
remarkably
remarkable
 in 1996 and 2000.
However
,
tickets
Change the noun form
ticket
show examples
sales
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comedy
films
. In 1996 and 2000, most of the
films
released
Add a missing verb
were released
show examples
 in Drama which is about a quarter and more than a third respectively.
However
, their
tickets
 were not issued significantly.
Both
Change preposition
In both
show examples
 2
years
 it shows more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15%.
Moreover
, the fantasy
films
 released between 10% to more than 15% but, their ticket
sales
 not
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 10% in both
years
.
Then
 the Romance
films
 launched remaining the same
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 which is 5% in 1996 and 2000
in addition
 to that, their ticket
sales
 less than 5%.
By contrast
, comedy
films
 were the best
tickets
Change the noun form
ticket
show examples
sales
 compared with other
films
.
That is
 about more than 20% in both
years
.
Finally
, the bar charts revealed Drama in 1996 and 2000.
Although
, the Comedy
films
 are the most famous and the best ticket
sales
 around these 2
years
.
Submitted by dinupremarathna on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words films, sales, tickets, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: