IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowdays,more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same jobs.what problems this causes?what are solutions?

Younger and older
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays compete to get the same jobs. There are two reasons why
this
Linking Words
 condition occurs, and three possible solutions can be applied to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue. The first reason is
Use synonyms
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
show examples
 requirements. Many companies do not hire an
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
 based on
age
Use synonyms
. It indicates that all ages can obtain certain
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
offering
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
 by the
company
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. Take an example mining companies, they usually recruit
people
Use synonyms
 not
according to
Linking Words
age
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 but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
look at applicants’
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
. The second reason is skill. No doubt that skill is not determined by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. It means that younger and older
people
Use synonyms
 may have the same competence.
Therefore
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, when there is a job opportunity it can be applied by the two generations. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, three possible ways can be implemented. The first one is
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 standard, meaning that the
company
Use synonyms
 or institution should limit the
age
Use synonyms
 of the applicants so that the younger and older
people
Use synonyms
 will not fight to get the position. The second one is working experience.
This
Linking Words
 solution means that a
company
Use synonyms
 hires its
employment
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 based on the skills they have not by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. It will have the possibility that even
the
Correct word choice
if the
show examples
 applicants are older it does mean they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good competence.
This
Linking Words
last
Linking Words
 reason is government policy. The local authority should encourage
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 or institution to not put
age
Use synonyms
 as the criteria of someone applying for the job.
To sum up
Linking Words
, two factors are the causes of younger and older
people
Use synonyms
fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
 to gain the same job and three ways can be done to combat
this
Linking Words
 trend.

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the question prompts in your essay; this includes discussing both the problems and the solutions, which you did not distinctly separate.
task achievement
For a higher score, clarify and expand on the problems directly resulting from the competition between younger and older people for the same jobs. Provide specific examples and consequences of this issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure introduction and conclusion paragraphs effectively set up and summarize the essay's topic and content respectively. The introduction should include a thesis statement, and the conclusion should reflect upon what was discussed.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by explanation and evidence. Add more depth to your main points to support your arguments and ideas fully.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases but avoid overuse. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to substantiate your points, boosting the essay's persuasive power and demonstrating your understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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