IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society, while others think that education should help people pursue personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Recently, the purpose of why
people
Use synonyms
 should accept education increased a significant discussion.
It is clear that
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 educated
people
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 have their own
Use synonyms
society
Replace the word
social
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 responsibility, since the government
invest
Wrong verb form
invested
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 a brunch amount of tax to
established
Wrong verb form
establish
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this
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 system.
However
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, opponents would argue that individual should
pursues
Change the verb form
pursue
show examples
 their own profile after education.
This
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 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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respectively
Rephrase
apply
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and
advice
Replace the word
advise
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 that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 two
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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 are not
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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. It is reasonable to inquire
educated
Correct word choice
whether educated
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people
Use synonyms
take
Correct your spelling
make
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 their own contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. A straightforward reason would be even though they would pay for their tutor, most educational institution is
build
Wrong verb form
built
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 up for non-profile purpose.
Therefore
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, only when
Replace the word
graduate
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graduated
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graduate
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people
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 create more
Fix the agreement mistake
profiles
show examples
profile
Fix the agreement mistake
profiles
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 for the whole
society
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, those
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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 can have more financial support to keep running.
For instance
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, the success of some science
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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is
Wrong verb form
benefits
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benefit
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
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the financial support from their sponsor.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 with different
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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 would
emphasised
Change the verb form
emphasise
be emphasised
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 that despite
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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received
Wrong verb form
receiving
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 various support, they should maintain their own will for their individual
benefit
Use synonyms
.
Although
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this
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 voice is reasonable,
in
Change preposition
to
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 some
extend
Replace the word
extent
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,
for example
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, we should respect students’ own will.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 essay would
additionally
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 state that
seek
Wrong verb form
seeking
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personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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 profile
is
Verb problem
does
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 not conflict with being useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. It is imaginable that
people
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 with a degree generally have some unique skill.
As a result
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, they could
benefit
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 by doing better in their own job and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 more
people
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 with their special
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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. Meanwhile, during
this
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 journey, they may accumulate enough experience for a better salary level which would
additional
Change the adjective
additionally
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benefit
Use synonyms
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. In conclusion, for educated
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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,
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
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 to
society
Use synonyms
 or seeking personal ambition,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 two perspectives should not
be treat
Change the verb form
be treated
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 as
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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.
Because there
Correct word choice
There
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 are various
dimension
Fix the agreement mistake
dimensions
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 for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual to
benefit
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and they could
archive
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 that
while
Linking Words
 they pursue their personal welfare.

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Introduction
You should keep in mind the importance of a clear and direct introduction that addresses the task explicitly. Your introduction must present both views and clarify your own position to set a solid foundation for your essay.
Logical Structure
Improve coherence and cohesion by arranging ideas and paragraphs logically, linking them with appropriate connectors. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, often introduced with a topic sentence, and the following sentences should elaborate and support that idea.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with detailed and specific examples and explanations. By doing so, you strengthen your argument and make your writing more persuasive.
Complete Response
Ensure you give a full response to the task by discussing each view comprehensively and providing specific reasons for your own opinion. Providing a clear, unbiased analysis of both views before concluding will enhance the completeness of your response.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Complex ideas should be explained clearly and thoroughly to aid understanding. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate these ideas with precision.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include relevant, specific examples to substantiate your points. Rather than general statements, provide concrete illustrations from real-life situations, studies or personal experiences where applicable.
Conclusion
End your essay with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reaffirms your own opinion. This should encapsulate your argument and give the reader a sense of closure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • beneficial
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • civic responsibility
  • active participation
  • social initiatives
  • societal issues
  • solutions
  • specialized professions
  • personal growth
  • self-fulfillment
  • passions
  • interests
  • potential
  • talents
  • job prospects
  • financial stability
  • balance
  • meaningful
  • foundation
  • emphasis
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