. Government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?
It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
argued
that the Wrong verb form
argue
government
need to invest money in the
Correct article usage
apply
education
, whereas
others believe that more money should be spent on leisure activities. In this
essay, I will discuss about
both views and give my opinion.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons to explain why Remove the preposition
apply
government
funding is necessary. First of all, it will help children have equal education
opportunities, especially mountainous
areas. Many parents do not have enough conditions to pay for Change preposition
in mountainous
school
Correct article usage
the school
fee
of their Fix the agreement mistake
fees
child
as a lot of children do not know how to write and read. Fix the agreement mistake
children
Inaddition
, investing Correct your spelling
In addition
education
means investing Change preposition
in education
for
Change preposition
in
future
because it helps young people have more and more opportunities to improve their knowledge.
Correct article usage
the future
On the other hand
, funding leisure activities will help citizens release from overstress or depression. In morden
society, Correct your spelling
modern
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
were
Verb problem
people are
stress
by many factors Replace the word
stressed
such
as relationships, peer
pressure, especially Correct word choice
and peer
struggling
with many exams and hard Wrong verb form
when they struggle
homeworks
. The Correct your spelling
homework
government
need
Wrong verb form
needs
provide
some entertainment Fix the infinitive
to provide
chanel
and Correct your spelling
channels
others
facilities. school can build a place Correct quantifier usage
other
where
has Correct word choice
that
cafe
for students Correct article usage
a cafe
in
break time. They can relax and spend time Change preposition
during
on
their peers Change preposition
with
due to
have
more energy for study. From that, learning will become easier and more effective.
In conclusion, the Change the verb form
having
government
should spend money on education
as well as
entertainment, both of them
will help children develop wisdom and mental health.Correct pronoun usage
which
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coherence cohesion
While you introduced both sides of the argument and provided a conclusion, your essay would benefit greatly from clearer organization and transition phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea which is then developed with explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction sets the stage for what is to follow, perhaps by outlining the specific arguments you will discuss. Conclusions should encapsulate your main points succinctly while reflecting back on the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main point to be discussed. Support this main point with specific and relevant examples to provide clarity and bolster your argument.
task achievement
The essay touched on both sides of the issue, but the response would be enhanced by a more thorough coverage of the topic and a clearer expression of your personal stance throughout the essay, not just at the conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are not only clear but also comprehensive, covering the full scope of the question. Be explicit in how you address the prompt and its complexities.
task achievement
Include specific, detailed examples to support your opinions - these make your arguments more persuasive and prove that they are not just theoretical viewpoints.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.