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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
nowadays everything in the world
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can't be successful if you do it alone,we should have to help each other and
work
 to cooperate relevant to the question,the body paragraph will be
according to
 the introduction In my opinion, I agree with it because
sport
 is the
way
 to make children in school can improve the
skill
 about physicality,and athleticism and the significant
skill
 that will improve is
teamwork
.When you play a
sport
 like
Change the article
a
show examples
basketball or football the most important thing is not the
skill
 but is how to be good at that
sport
 but I think it is
teamwork
.If you have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
teamwork
 you will have a chance to win the game more than the
skill
 play but playing alone because you have an alternative
way
 to choose what to do next and when cooperating together many brains should win the single brain.
On the other hand
, I disagree with it in some
way
 because if the school want student to cooperate it will have
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 other activities to teach children how to cooperate
such
 as group
work
.Group
work
 can improve
apply
Wrong verb form
the application of
show examples
 cooperative skills like when you have to research data on the internet to present to the teacher you can separate the
work
 into different roles and
then
 combine together in the end In conclusion, I think the best
way
 to improve the cooperating
skill
 is a
sport
 because If you don't have
teamwork
 you wouldn't have a
way
 to win the game.
finally
, the most significant
skill
 is the cooperating
skill
Submitted by titakron2558 on

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a proper thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic. Make sure to include a clear and precise thesis statement in your introductory paragraph.
coherence cohesion
There are multiple grammar and punctuation errors in your essay. This affects the clarity of your ideas. You need to focus on improving your sentence structure and punctuation use.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but they could be more developed and specific. Provide detailed illustrations to support your points and explain how each example relates to the topic.
task achievement
While you present both sides of the argument, your conclusion should be a summarization of your own views, evolved from the argument. Restate your position emphatically in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas and paragraphs. The shift from one paragraph to another should be smooth and logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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