IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#shops #country #information #features #comparisons
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The graph illustrates how many stores have been closed and opened in the 8-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed
surpass
Wrong verb form
surpassed
show examples
 the amount of opened
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
throughout the period, except
2011
Change preposition
in 2011
show examples
 and 2015. In 2011, there are 8500
shops
Use synonyms
 started business
while
Linking Words
 6200
shops
Use synonyms
 closed. After 3 years, the shop closures fluctuated and came back to the same figure in the first year.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side, the amount of new stores plummeted in 2012 and increased gradually in 2014. One of the dramatic changes is in 2015,
while
Linking Words
 the figure of closures dropped to 500, the openings
also
Linking Words
 experienced a decline to 4000. In 2016, the number of closed
shops
Use synonyms
 recovered and climbed up to 5000. Meanwhile, the amount of openings remained stable until 2017 and had a slight decrease in 2018 to one-third of the
2011’s
Change noun form
2011
show examples
 figure.
Besides
Linking Words
, the closures
also
Linking Words
 remained relatively unchanged in the subsequent two years.
Submitted by tonykim09 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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