IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Mnay museums and historical sites are mostly visited by foreign tourists, but not local people. why do you think it happens? what can be done to attract local visitors to these sites?

Mostly,
museums
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 and historical sites are popular among overseas visitors,
while
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 locals are not interested in them. The main reason is a lack of interest among the inhabitants of the city where these attractions are located.
This
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 essay suggests ways in which the problem could be solved. The first reason is that
people
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 are completely confident in their knowledge of local history. Indeed, individuals who live in a particular town or country tend to be more aware of local culture and historical events than foreigners.
However
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, they do not know all the details, and there is a lot of room for improvement. Visiting
such
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places
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 is a good opportunity to discover something new and uncover unknown sides of familiar things. The second reason is the overcrowding of
such
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places
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 with tourists.
People
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 basically do not have the willingness to immerse themselves in a loud and fast-paced environment with long lines and mountains of trash.
Furthermore
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, popularity among tourists causes inflation, and ticket prices can increase twofold or even more.
Therefore
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, locals prefer to spend their leisure time in less well-known
places
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 where they can enjoy a calmer atmosphere and lower costs. To address
this
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 problem,
museums
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 should implement more visible and aggressive advertising.
Emphasizing
Change the spelling
Emphasising
show examples
 that
people
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 do not have complete knowledge about their hometown may encourage them to fill
this
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 gap.
Moreover
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, many of them basically do not know about the existence or the location of many
museums
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 and historical sites. The authorities should
also
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 foster a thirst for knowledge from an early age. The government has to sponsor regular tours for schoolchildren to historically important
places
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. In conclusion, many
museums
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 and historical sites are mostly visited by foreign tourists.
Due to
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 the large concentration of
people
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 and high prices, locals often avoid them. To solve
this
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 problem, the authorities must improve the educational approach, and
museums
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 must strengthen their promotion so that more local
people
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 can learn about and visit them.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why locals do not go, but the fixes can be more full and more direct.
task response
Add one or two clear real-life examples to make your ideas stronger and more easy to trust.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too broad, like saying people are completely sure about their history. Use more careful wording.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is very good.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is mostly clear, but some lines feel a bit long. Shorter sentences can make your points easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, reason, then example. This will make the flow even better.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so the reader can see your main position from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant to the topic and stay on track through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized with a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words like Indeed, Furthermore, Moreover, Therefore, and In conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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