IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve better balance?

#people #balance #work #parts #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days a lot of people really try hard to create a balance between work and other aspects of life.
This
 essay will discuss two primary
complication
Change to a plural noun
complications
show examples
 that are affected by
this
 issue followed by ways to solve those
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. The main trouble caused by an imbalance of work and life are demotivation of work and poor quality of outcome.
According to
 some researchers, limited daily hours of working accompanied by too much workload will create pressure for an employee that potentially leads to demotivated workers. What’s more, in the
end
Add the comma(s)
end,
show examples
 exhaustion will raise another problem to the surface, it is a nonoptimal final result.
This
 is caused by a lack of focus and less productivity
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the weariness of employees. There are a lot of approaches to solve those issues and one of them is by making a scale of prioritization. As humans, we have many aspects of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, but we can not do all of them simultaneously.
Therefore
, people need to sequence what aspect that really means to deal with at first.
Moreover
, employees need to be good at setting boundaries in the workplace.
For instance
, in many cases, most workers feel reluctant to deny the senior’s requests on weekends so they have no time for refreshments.
Instead
 of burdening themselves, employees might avoid overwhelming by setting boundaries in the workplace. All in all, the issue of work-life imbalance inflicts so much trouble, including demotivation and poor quality of results. There are so many approaches to solve
these dilemma
Change the determiner
this dilemma
these dilemmas
show examples
, in order to reach a better balance, including making a prioritized scale and setting boundaries.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure you follow a clear structure with an introduction that presents the topic, body paragraphs with clear main points, and a conclusion that summarizes the essay effectively. Maintain clear logical progression throughout your writing.
coherence cohesion
Use a greater variety of cohesive devices such as referencing pronouns, substitution, and other linking words to facilitate a smooth flow from one idea to the next, enhancing readability and logic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. Avoid presenting lists of issues or solutions; instead, develop each point thoroughly.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with relevant ideas and examples. Cover both problems and solutions adequately for a balanced response.
task achievement
Use concrete and directly relevant examples to support your points, rather than general statements. Specific examples add depth and clarity to your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to fully answer the task. Your response should offer comprehensive explanations of the problems and present developed solutions, demonstrating a full and clear understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: