IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is better for young people to get the advises from old people than young ones. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,young
people
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 try to learn,make,create and gain
experience
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,
While
Linking Words
 the young
generation
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 tries to gain
lifetime
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experience
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 they can get
advice
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 from old
people
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.I agree with
this
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 opinion for a couple of reasons.
Initially
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,
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
generation
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 has a lot of
experience
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 because of their
lifetime
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 and work.The young
generation
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 should look up to their lives and get
advice
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. Old
people
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 could know what will happen in the young
generations
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' lives because of their experiences in life and work.
For instance
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,teachers always try to show us what will happen in the future.They know what could happen or what problems could towards you in your life.
In addition
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,because of cultural respect, young
people
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 should listen and take
advice
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 from older
generations
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.
For example
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 in countries, there are a lot of different cultures,but generally one of them is the same, It is respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 older
people
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.In worklife experienced
people
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 know what to do in hard decisions or in problem solutions.If young
people
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wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to learn and develop themselves they can look to their old and experienced
generation
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. In a
lifetime
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 young
people
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 must choose guidance for them.If young
people
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 choose their guide truly,they will be successful in their
lifetime
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 and
also
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 in work life.
For example
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,successful old
people
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 would explain the way of learning, creating or gaining
experience
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 .The young
generation
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 must take an example
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
these guides.
Moreover
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,they must choose benefits from
this
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 large and wide
experience
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 pool.
For instance
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,if young
people
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 try to learn something they must take
advice
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 about learning.Not about another and different things. In conclusion, if young
people
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 take
advice
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 and choose guidance ,they will be successful.Young
generations
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 should be respectful,
also
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 they should listen to old
generations
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' experiences to learn and be successful in the future.

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coherence cohesion
You should aim to have a more defined structure in your essay, with clear introductory, body, and conclusion paragraphs. A thesis statement in the introduction and topic sentences for each paragraph can greatly enhance readability and structure.
coherence cohesion
Including specific examples to support each point can improve the essay's persuasiveness. Try to use real-world examples or statistics where possible to substantiate your claims.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task. You should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement, and consistently reflect this view throughout your essay.
task achievement
While your ideas are related to the topic, they need to be developed more thoroughly. Aim to explore each main point in greater depth and demonstrate a more complex understanding of the topic.
task achievement
It is important to maintain relevance to the question throughout your essay. Avoid straying into general statements that do not directly support your position on the given statement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wisdom
  • insight
  • mentorship
  • holistic
  • innovate
  • generation gap
  • revered
  • guidance
  • perspectives
  • values
  • societal norms
  • diversity
  • life lessons
  • outdated
  • relevance
  • challenges
  • technological advancements
  • creativity
  • tradition
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