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Writing Samples /
Band 4

2)The world is experiencing dramatic in population,which is causing problems not only for developing countries but also for developed nations Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes and suggest at least one possible solution.

#world #population #countries #nations #overpopulation
The
population
 of the Earth is growing day by day. Every country wants to have an impressive
population
.
However
,
such
 organized reinforcement can harm the government, since the presence of more
people
 means the coexistence of demanding and complex problems.in
this
 way, not many
people
 support
this
 and want a solution to be found.
To begin
 with,
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 is found in developed
underdeveloped
Correct word choice
and underdeveloped
show examples
 countries.The downside of
this
 problem is that there is not enough financial budget to help
people
, and at the same time, the shortage of food, health,
education
, sanitation and other services is very common.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 situation leads to a decrease in the
population
Moreover
, there are several solutions to control the
population
, one of which is:
each
Correct word choice
that each
show examples
 country must have a clear plan for its
population
 and its current restrictions, a near future and a long-term perspective, the government must be aware of the situation of the
population
 and must pay close attention to its health. - [ ]
On the other hand
,the burgeoning of the
population
 has become aggravated in many undeveloped and developing nations.
This
 overpopulation affects
people
's living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 in respect of quality
education
, job opportunities, income and others.
Thus
, some countries are struggling with
this
 problem.
Furthermore
, the main consequence of overpopulation in underdeveloped countries is poverty. Poverty
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
arises
Correct your spelling
raises
show examples
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many problems on the side of the great crisis,
education
 health, food,
work
Correct word choice
and work
show examples
.
Thus
, hunger and malnutrition
due to
 insufficient supply of food, diseases insufficiently supplied with medical institutions, an unstructured
education
 system, etc. affect society.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential parts of the essay structure. An introduction should present the topic and a thesis statement, setting the direction for your essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position clearly without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is poor as it makes it difficult for the reader to follow your arguments. You need to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea introduced by a topic sentence, supported by specific examples, and concluded with a sentence that relates the paragraph to the overall essay topic.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your response addresses the prompt but does not develop a clear argument on the problems caused by overpopulation and possible solutions. Your ideas should be expanded with detailed explanations and clear, real-world examples to support your points, demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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