IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

2)The world is experiencing dramatic in population,which is causing problems not only for developing countries but also for developed nations Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes and suggest at least one possible solution.

#world #population #countries #nations #overpopulation
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The
population
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 of the Earth is growing day by day. Every country wants to have an impressive
population
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.
However
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,
such
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 organized reinforcement can harm the government, since the presence of more
people
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 means the coexistence of demanding and complex problems.in
this
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 way, not many
people
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 support
this
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 and want a solution to be found.
To begin
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 with,
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this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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 is found in developed
underdeveloped
Correct word choice
and underdeveloped
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 countries.The downside of
this
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 problem is that there is not enough financial budget to help
people
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, and at the same time, the shortage of food, health,
education
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, sanitation and other services is very common.
And
Correct word choice
This
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this
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 situation leads to a decrease in the
population
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Moreover
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, there are several solutions to control the
population
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, one of which is:
each
Correct word choice
that each
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 country must have a clear plan for its
population
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 and its current restrictions, a near future and a long-term perspective, the government must be aware of the situation of the
population
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 and must pay close attention to its health. - [ ]
On the other hand
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,the burgeoning of the
population
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 has become aggravated in many undeveloped and developing nations.
This
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 overpopulation affects
people
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's living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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 in respect of quality
education
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, job opportunities, income and others.
Thus
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, some countries are struggling with
this
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 problem.
Furthermore
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, the main consequence of overpopulation in underdeveloped countries is poverty. Poverty
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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arises
Correct your spelling
raises
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very
Rephrase
apply
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many problems on the side of the great crisis,
education
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 health, food,
work
Correct word choice
and work
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.
Thus
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, hunger and malnutrition
due to
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 insufficient supply of food, diseases insufficiently supplied with medical institutions, an unstructured
education
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 system, etc. affect society.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential parts of the essay structure. An introduction should present the topic and a thesis statement, setting the direction for your essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position clearly without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is poor as it makes it difficult for the reader to follow your arguments. You need to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea introduced by a topic sentence, supported by specific examples, and concluded with a sentence that relates the paragraph to the overall essay topic.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your response addresses the prompt but does not develop a clear argument on the problems caused by overpopulation and possible solutions. Your ideas should be expanded with detailed explanations and clear, real-world examples to support your points, demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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